Yesterday's hullabaloo (and why we should stop being so mean)

I missed the whole shebang yesterday but read about some of the aftermath. So I'm not going to comment in any way about specific comments that were made; I don't know what they were, and I don't care.

However, I do want to comment about women judging each other as mothers, because this is something I observe daily. I think part of why women are so "judgy" about parenting is that many of us define ourselves almost completely by being mothers. I don't think that is good or healthy for ourselves, our spouses and especially for our children. There is something to be said for "good enough" parenting, which is frankly what most of us go as kids and lived to tell the tale! It took me a long time to realize this - I've been a mother now for 9.5 years and through 3 kids, so I understand why new/younger mothers find it hard to stand up to these (often self-imposed) standards of perfection.

Look, I know you probably spent hours (days? weeks?) researching, for example, about whether to let your child watch any TV or not until he is 4 years old OR whether to use food dyes in her birthday cake OR whether to go back to work/put in daycare/get a nanny OR how many minutes of tummy time he needs OR...OR...OR....But I hate to break it to you - many of these decisions REALLY DON'T MATTER in the grand scheme of things. This is an area where we can learn something from dads. In general, they do not agonize about every minor (and sometimes major) child-rearing decision.

I am not saying we should not put thought into how we raise our children and seek to impart important values and skills to them as they grow. I am not saying we shouldn't love our children more than life itself. Of course we should - that is the whole point of having children!! But maybe we need to realize that there is more than one way (in fact, many ways) of getting to the same spot.

I am not immune from judgement myself - not at all. I have certain value judgments that I make and I apply those to how I parent my children. But, you know what, I choose not to verbalize those comments unless absolutely called upon or necessary. I make exceptions when I feel there is something important at stake and when I feel saying something can make a difference. For example, I do not agree with the decision not to vaccinate children, and I believe this is a public health hazard. But I don't make comments on or everywhere trying to convince other mothers b/c I know it won't change their minds!! If somebody seems open to hearing others' points of view, I will make the point.

Anyway, Moms, enjoy your kidlets and stop worrying so much. You can save your judgement for when they have kids of their own, who in spite of all your best efforts, they will raise however they like :-).

Have a good day!

About Rina
Birth: September 08
On since: Dec 16, 2013
I'm a working mom of 4. My husband, kids and I live in Toronto, Canada. I love to read pretty much anything I can get my hands on, am addicted to chocolate and kissing my kids' necks (they all still let me do it!) and am a bit of a political junkie.