Type of Mama..

So I know that Mamas come in all shapes and sorts.. even when it comes to disciplining.. I recently had that lunch with my two girlfriends and it was so interesting to see the difference in how they each parented or disciplined their kiddos when acting up or behaving a bit badly...

Let's set the scene...

Out to lunch, busy cafe, smushed table.. semi chaos.. one Mom's little one starts screaming, screaminggggggggg... and all she really does is go.. "Oh no no.. we don't do that here.. " but nothing really was corrected. The other Mom later.. dealt with a toddler who kept poking their finger in my food (haha) and she grabbed her hand hard.. repeatedly tried to make her apologize to me.. and when she wouldn't.. threatened to take her to the restroom for a quick spank...

I am not saying either is best or either is bad.. I just enjoy taking in the differences of it all.. It also makes me think about how I will be as a Mama.. I would love to know.. if how you THOUGHT you would parent is different from how you REALLY parent? ​

01
Moms Expertise
    10/21/13
    Amanda Hurley
    Yes!!!!!! I told myself I would NEVER spank my children, because I was afraid the cycle of abuse would continue. I now, however, do spank my children. Also, if you have more than one, you parent each child differently. You learn from your mistakes. Noone really knows how they will react in a situation until they are actually in that situation.
    3
      I said to my son: I don't want to spank you, so, PLEASE, do what i said you to do. Now he is 10 years old, and we can discuss all behavioral issues without physical "force", and he knows that he better follow my rules, not because his mom is a dictator, but because I want him to be a good person. He is old enough to understand what is good, what is bad...and my own observation- love and patience are 2 things that always work very well
      4
        10/21/13
        8Theresa Gould
        Yes. I never even wanted to yell or raise my voice at my children but I have and do. :( And we do parent our younger children differently than we parented our older children because of what we have learned over the years. I don't think we've been very successful in showing why we parent each child differently for a couple of the ones who have had a firmer hand think we are too easy on some of the children and too hard on them. Yes, those would be our strong willed children.
        3
        10/22/13
        8Theresa Gould
        Wow, they must be saints.
        1
          I have chosen not to spank due to various studies I have read at the overall inefficiency of making them think about why they shouldn't do something. I want them to understand that they don't do such and such because it is detrimental to themselves or others, not because they are afraid of mama's hand but because they understand the over arching consequences of their behavior. Especially since one day there will be no more spankings. I want a fully-processing child not a Pavlov's dog.

          The exception to this would be if the child did something that could potentially be VERY harmful to them, like running in the street. Then, they will get spanked. But not for behavioral problems.

          Keep in mind, I'm not one those I just could never spank my kid sort of people. I always planned to spank before reading the countless studies and have only recently decided against it.

          Strangely enough, I also listened to a pretty good audiobook (Drive- The Science of What Motivates Us, for anyone who is interested) on positive and negative reinforcement that was referencing a very old study that got little publicity and newer studies inspired by it. It showed just how ineffective the whole carrot and the stick game is at motivating people, driving them to less and less motivation, despite how counter intuitive that seems. I really suggest checking it out!

          (One example being that less people donated blood if there was monetary compensation, vs doing it for free. The same with puzzle solving)

          So, I'm still trying to find ways that are effective and also line up science. I'll tell you what else I discover!
          2
          10/22/13
          Indeed, with the no kiddos! Who knows how it'll actually end up happening, this is just my hopeful plan, lol.
          2
          About Meg
          Birth: September 29
          On Moms.com since: Aug 5, 2013
          I am a new Mama.. married to my sweet Husband! I am a barre3 addict and a Team Leader here on Moms.com! I feel so blessed to do what I love and live life with the ones who make it magical.