This post may rub people the wrong way..
It's not intended to. But I'm curious on a case by case basis.
There's a 3rd grade boy at school, I used to work in the nurses office there so I became familiar with him. He has ADHD and mild autism. Is what I was told. Almost every day he'd come up for some odd reason and its mother was a lingerer. She and I mean this nicely, was a total basket case. She hovered and watched him at the gate every morning until his class door closed. She asked me tons of questions about other kids etc. as soon as her son was ill or had an issue she was there. I swear she waited out front to see him walk up to the office. She volunteered every day in the class and office. The second he would walk in, she was overly concerned and in his face and touching his head.
I honestly think she had more behavioral issues than he did.
So just this morning, I'm at a stop sign and they're crossing.. Safely and she was darting her eyes all over the place looking for traffic. A car began to cross but wasn't dangerously close to her and I watched her completely over react and jump back and hold him. It was weird. Odd. Over protective.
I'm protective. I'm concerned but this seemed terrifyingly odd and weird.
When I see her at school she's always talking to the teacher or front office about something from homework packet too big to if they've had asbestos checked.
She's off. Now. My question is this.. I often wondered.. As when her son was in the nurses office with me, he was calm and kind and talked a lot. He was upbeat. Yes I could tell he couldn't sit still and had no space awareness but other than that he "seemed" "normal".. Like every other average kid.
Sometimes I wonder if his mom was a total nervous basket case since his birth and that have him his quirks. Was her nervous energy and hovering part of creating his sometimes odd behavior or was he born this way and she just happened to get this.
Am I making sense?
Another friend I know. All three if her kids are on ADHD meds. I love this lady but in all honesty, she's totally stressed and spacey and agitated a lot. She tells easily, she's exasperated quickly, she speaks to them harshly yet is meticulous in fixing their hair at drop off. All three if her kids are on meds. Really? I often wonder if there was a real behavior concern with them ?? Or with her???
I have a niece with ADHD. It's valid I know this. My sister is your average mom. Not too doting, not disconnected. My other niece has no issues. Nobody else in our family's has ever been diagnosed with ADHD.
So.. I guess my question is... The chicken or the egg?
Did some parents "make" their kids this way and some were born?!
However it does sound like maybe the worrying has come to a point where it obviously drastically effects her life and is possible hindering her son, he's probably more independent than she is letting him be. She probably does need help of her own in coping with everything going on with her son. I certainly think his issues are legit and not caused by his mother but I could see where they could be exasperated or he could be held back by her helicopter parenting.
She .. On her own.. In the school meetings and when she's volunteering is .. Stressed. She's frantic and seems confused a lot about things being said. Another child came up with what looked like ring worm and she freaked out. She overheard me and came in to the nurses office. Asking if it was and am I sending a letter or calling him home. And should she take her son home?
It's just... Unusually frenetic and over protective and a little OCD and hypochondriac. This is fine with me. I deal with all types of people and have a huge empathy for them and an friendly and helpful with them. She's not my issue. She is who she is and she's very sweet. My curiosity cane from if she's been that way before he was born and was that way with him growing up if that contributed to his needs and diagnosis. Or if he was raised by a mom that had more confidence or wasn't stressed and over concerned at all times or even if he had a sibling.. Would HE be different.
I guess Ill leave it up to the scientists. Lol to know if things like ADHD or is what you're born with or could it be a product of your environment.
And he doesn't have any doctor diagnosis of autism. There's nothing in his paperwork. She told me when she dropped off his ADHD meds that she thinks he's "light autistic".
I'm always talking with her and answering her questions. I see her everyday. Her son is funny and sweet.
Don't read me wrong. I'm not sitting back passing judgement. I'm IN it but it does make me wonder how much parenting contributes to the child's diagnosis. I mean kids that are abused are generally physically aggressive and kids that are perhaps over coddled or are made to feel they can't do things well or a mom that is nervous, their children are generally more careful, quiet, shy.
I say generally.
I was just curious to see what everyone else thought.
The other day she was so overly concerned about an open cut her son had on his finger; that it would get infected if he didn't wash his hands enough. I had to run to target for the school and bought her/him that noes porin key chain to have. She hooked it on his belt loop. Lol.
My heart breaks for her. I worry but I FEEL hers. She must never rest.