Step Parenting Issues

Step parenting is definitely a lot more difficult than I thought it would be. I grew up as a step child, and a step sister, but it always seemed so easy the way that our families blended themselves together. However, it always seems like I am being criticized for everything I do. We agreed from the beginning that all of our kids would be treated the same, and we would make a blended family like the one that I had grown up knowing. However, it hasn't seemed to work out that easily. I am constantly being criticized for treating my step the same way I treat my biological child because 1. she is not my own- yes this is a legitimate reason my husband has given me, not one that I just simply made up by his actions, and 2. because she has different rules at her other home so we should treat her differently from our own children. Then, when I do as he says and treat her differently because of her following a different set of rules part-time (less than 50% of the time is she actually with her other family), I get reprimanded for that as well. There's no way to win, and I personally don't believe that she should be treated any differently. That is not fair to our children. They should all be treated the same with the same expectations. Am I wrong for thinking this way?

VickyPhenix City, Alabama
    YOU ARE NOT WRONG AT ALL! I grew up with step parents as well. While I did have one step sister , she was much older and didn't live with us. I had different rules at each house. They weren't hugely different but everyone has their own parenting styles so it's impossible for them to be the same. As a child I was told that each house had it's own set of rules and I was expected to follow them. It was just like how kids have certain rules at school and then another set at sports practices, and other set at home. Kids are perfectly capable of adapting based on their environment.

    I think you should try to find a time to talk to your husband about setting up house rules that all the kids have to follow. Say that it's to make sure it's fair for everyone and easier for you both to be consistent. Discipline is always best when it's consistent. Then make sure the kids understand that they have to follow them when they're at your house. When your step child is at her other house they get to decide their rules.
      8Theresa Gould
      I don't know much about step parenting, except what I witnessed with my nephew and my "bil" but I completely agree with you and commend you for treating your step as your own, what a blessing to her, her parents and to you! Have you tried talking to your husband to see what is behind all of this? Is his ex whispering in his ear or is it just from him? Would having your husband sit down with your parents help at all? I hope you can get it sorted so you can create a blended family like the one you grew up in.
      About Vicky
      Born: Apollo Beach, Florida
      Current: Phenix City, Alabama
      Birth: August 27
      On since: Dec 13, 2013
      I am a 20 year old married, stay at home mother to 2 girls and a boy.