Baby daddy drama and kids...

My oldest sons father just came back into the picture a few days ago, he emailed me from prison.. I am letting my son write him and I talk to him here and there, but he has always made promises to my child that he never keeps. he wont be out of there until my son is about 12-13 years of age, my son jujst turned 8 in nov. how do I let my son know not to keep his hopes up with out breaking his heart? Me and his father are teen parents as in we had him at 17yrsold. he hasn't been there since before my son was born. and just met him 2 yrs ago in aug. my son loveshim reguardless but me and my fiancé wat to protect him so much, but at the same time my son is persistant. how should o go about this and have any of you mothers had to go through this or feel like you should just keep him away?

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4Milagro RiveraMilwaukee, Wisconsin
    03/20/14
    This is one of those times that you might not be able to prevent the heartache, but you can be there for him if it does come.

    My oldest doesn't have a relationship with her dad because he dropped out of the picture. When he does call her (or did, she doesn't talk to him really ever now) every conversation was about him. And then he would put his current girlfriend on the phone, which really turned my daughter off to talk to someone she didn't know, and usually it wasn't the same girlfriend so she never got a chance to build the relationship. Her paternal grandma has tried to guilt her since she doesn't seem interested in her dad, which does upset me. But at the end of the day I just let her have her feelings and listen if she needs to talk.
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      03/20/14
      4Milagro Rivera
      My ex does the same, lately though he has been taking interest in my son. I still feel like I shouldn't let him get to close, lol I guess that's the mother in me. I just wish I could shield him from the heartache.
      1
        03/20/14
        I agree with Melissa I don't think you can guard him from potential heartbreak in this situation. You are doing right by him by letting him get to know who his father is, but I feel like at 8 years old he will start to be able to judge for himself. Kids are so intuitive and much smarter on things like this than we give them credit for. I don't think you will always be able to keep him away he is curious about him and I think that is normal. I can understand how you feel though, I would be conflicted too!
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          03/20/14
          The best you can do is prepare you son for him father's probably lack of follow through. But I would prepare yourself as well to have to pick up the pieces a couple times before it actually sinks in for your son.

          My cousin's father constantly made promises that he didn't keep. And as much as his mom told him, he had to get burned a couple times before he really got it.

          Its a hard spot for you to be in. At least you son has a good loving mother to help him through.
          2
            03/20/14
            UGH.. Tough.. Here's my honest answer..

            Be honest with your son and then let him have a chance to build some sort of relationship with his dad as LONG AS you are able to look over it.. So, I think it's fair that you read the letters, etc.. and monitor the contact... BUT your son wants to know his dad and I think if you kept him away.. he would resent you.. no matter what..

            But YOU make the guidelines.. Letters need to go through you.. you need to know when contact is made.. etc.. and tell your son the TRUTH.. tell him that he is his father, but you have gone through something that makes you weary of him..

            he wants to know his dad and wants his dad to want to know him..

            You can protect him by showing him you're there for him.. and he MAY get his hopes up.. and if he's let down that will be terrible but make sure your son knows you're there for him and not in a "told ya" type of way...

            This is that time when you have to step back a bit and let him have his own experience and make is own assessment.. and be there for him as he goes through it..

            I get this on a different level.. My kids dad moved away 2 years ago to NY for a job and his new wife.. fine by me.. but my kids were old enough to know that no matter how we flipped it in a positive life, that he moved AWAY from them and it was hard.. it was hard to see them GET that.. and not be able to spin it somehow.. So, I was just there for them and acknowledged.. yes, this sucks.. and your dad loves you and yes, it blows he moved and I don't get it and I would NEVER move but...

            My kids are 7 and 9 now.. and handle it well.. they still have questions.. and we deal with them openly and honestly..

            I think you're smart.. You already know what to do.. Stay on high alert and be honest with your son and be there for him..

            I'm hoping that while his dad is in prison.. he changes.. and becomes a better person and man and father.. He may not ever BE a true dad... maybe your fiance will have that role, but he can be in his life..

            gray area.. lol.. life is all gray areas.. and I hate it sometimes as a mom...
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            About Milagro Rivera
            Born: Milwaukee, Wisconsin
            Current: Milwaukee, Wisconsin
            Birth: February 20
            On Moms.com since: Mar 17, 2014
            I am a mother of 4 kids, and soon to be wife. I have a autistic child, and dedicate my time to raising my kid the best I can and am looking to make friends with other mothers who can understand what it is to be a mommy.