I know this may be a sensitive subject for many but I'd like to share my experience with depression. I had my daughter on November 15, 2012 via emergency c-section. I didn't feel that immediate love every mother feels. I knew something wasn't right when she was about 2 weeks old. I didn't have my families help because they had already gone home from the holiday and my husband was already back to work. I told my husband that I think I'm depressed. He didn't have much to say so I wasn't sure how to react to it. He just told me he's sorry. After the crying started I started feeling anger when I had to wake up to feed or change it was hard to get up. I would never hurt my daughter so I felt horrible with these feelings. Her cries bothered me and I just didn't enjoy being a mom. I had called my ob/gyn dr and my daughter was about 6 months now and when I told the receptionist about the depression she told me she's have one of the nurses give me a call after she talked to the dr. The nurse calls me back and tells me that my dr told her since it had been 6 months after my daughters birth that he couldn't help me and that I should see a primary care physician. Needless to say I don't have him as my dr anymore. It wasn't until October I tried again with a councilor. She was a great person to talk to. I was only able to see her 4 times because the commute from my town to there. I want to go back soon though. She recommended I see a dr. from Texas Tech Physicians. I gave the dr office a call and made an appointment with a female dr because I've had such bad luck with male drs. I had an appointment within the next couple weeks and this was in November. I told her all my feelings and she was sure I had depression and she said she didn't want to put me on medication but she also didn't want me to wait out the 2 years it can take to overcome depression and I wanted help sooner so she put me on Wellbutrin. I've been on it now for 16 weeks and my daughter is now 16 months old. I don't have the anger part of the depression but I have the feeling of not being able to enjoy my daughters company and it's so hard not to feel the love you want so bad to feel for your child. I was referred to see a psychiatrist but when I looked at my insurance sure enough none of them take my insurance so I am wondering what I am going to do now when I still don't feel 100% me I used to be so happy before I got pregnant and now I'm having to fake it most days. I'm sorry this post is so long but I just want everyone to know that if you are experiencing depression you are not alone.
Give your self time and patience. You've had to deal with the dark cloud of depression for quite awhile now, and you've been treated for a much shorter time. Your body has to keep working to balance out everything and that takes time.
Right now you might have to fake it until you make it, and I know that sucks. Please keep talking to your current doctor. Are they a therapist?
Please know that even though it doesn't feel like it, things WILL get better. They will never be the same because you have gone through some big changes, along with struggles on top of that. BUT, it won't suck either. You will find a new calm, a new balance and will begin not to feel so terrible. In fact, you'll eventually find more days with smiles that annoyances. But sweetie it takes time.
Continue to be an advocate for your health. Doctors cannot help you unless you stick with the treatment. That doesn't mean you have to do everything they say, and if something doesn't work for you them tell them.
Are you being treated for anxiety as well? I am not a doctor but it sounds like you may be experiencing that since you are disconnecting a bit while feeling overwhelmed. Ask your doctor what they think.