Ok ladies I have a real problem. I ask for any suggestions or advice

My daughter's father is letting a terrific little girl slip through his fingers. He is truly what I call a part-time dad.He is only a real father to her when it is convenient or makes him look good. When she goes to "visit" him, she spends 97% of the time with her grandmother. Do not get me wrong, she loves it and so does her grandmother. They are glued to the hip! But his mom is the one raising our daughter, not him!. I have been nice for the past 7 years about it. he pays no support as long as HE helps out and such, but she does it all not him. What should I do? She is devastated that he does not spend time with her. My current husband is awesome with her. He teaches her things and plays games with her, even lets her give him a mani every now and then. These are things her father should be doing as well and doesn't. He did the exact same thing with his older daughter. I saw it!!!! It is so sad and I try to not let that happen to her, but it seems inevitable. I need some advice or consoling. Thanks ladies!

5Stephanie KirianTiffin, Ohio
    I am sorry you are going through this. It is a shame that he doesn't get to experience how great his daughter is! Unfortunately I am just not sure that there is too much you can do. you cannot force him to be a good dad, he's got to do it because he wants to. I think the best you can do is to be there for your daughter and she will learn not to expect much from him. Encourage the good relationship she has with your husband so that she does have a positive male role model in her life and doesn't need her real dad to do that for her.
      Here was the hardest and biggest lesson I learned from my kids dad being part time.. or no time.. My kids dad moved to NY two years ago.. for a job promotion and his GF lived there.. doesn't matter.. My kids were 5 and 8.. and this was the FIRST time that I wasn't able to spin it.. I was always able to tell my kids if their dad wasn't there or couldn't do a weekend, that he loved them and was busy working and I wa always able to put it in a way that made them feel special and not said, but I couldn't spin this. they were old enough to get it.. .. their dad was moving away from them. By choice and they didn't get it..

      I was honest and told them, "No.. I don't agree with your dads choice and I don't understand it, but I DO know that he loves you.. I just think he does things differently"..

      I couldn't make their dad a better dad.. and I couldn't take away the hurt that they would feel.. So, this was the first time that I had to let them have this experience and just.. BE there for them.. I had to watch them process this and manage it and be there in a second to answer questions..

      So.. I guess my point is.. that kids accept their parents as they are... no matter what.. Be as honest as you can without being nasty.. and tell her, " I don't know what your dad is this way, I DO know he loves you so much.. he just shows it differently"
      Not all parents are decent and she can grow up wight he understanding that he is NOT what she wants him to be, but she too can still love him..

      Remind her that she's done nothing wrong and nothing she can do to make him spend more time with her.. that some dads are just .. better..

      Kids rally and adjust better than we do..

      Maybe cut back on some time there? And make sure that he is with her.. but if she's with her grandma.. and happy then I wouldn't intervene.. She ill get it.. and see him for what he is and she will mostly likely love him no matter what...

      You can't change him,.. or control him.. stay focused on your daughter and what she needs because of him.. :)
        going through the same thing, i actually posted on it yesterday after talking to him. The way i see it, if he cant make the effort, thats not on you, one day your little girl will be able to see for herself, if she hasnt already what he has done, and that is something only he will have to deal ith, because you can not control his actions. My sons father never calls, when he does see him, he spends a whole bunch of money on him and then he's gone, no word from him for months until the next time he wants to play daddy, usually thats when a bunch of family is coming in town and begging him to get Mikey. My son calls his father Kenny, his name, and calls my boyfriend daddy, and has called him daddy since we first started dating, even though we tried to correct him at first. he didnt care. before my boyfriend came along, mikey didnt talk much, Will has opened so many doors for my little boy, and one day I know Mikey will remember all this and make his own decision on the matter.
          5Stephanie Kirian
          Thank you so much ladies! I really appreciate the support and encouragement. I do!!!!
          About Stephanie Kirian
          Born: Tiffin, Ohio
          Current: Tiffin, Ohio
          Birth: October 01
          On Moms.com since: Jan 21, 2014
          I am 39, mother of 5, married, and feeling completely crazy 90%of the time