I hope this doesn't stir any pots, but I need to air it...

I had a miscarriage in October, and sometimes I feel mixed emotions about it...

At the time, my finace and I weren't engaged and living with my family due to low paying jobs and high bills. When I was told I was having a miscarriage I was completely destroyed. I was depressed for two months, I didn't even want to leave my room.

Now, Most days go by and I don't really even think about it. That makes me feel relief and then overwhelming guilt. Then there are days like today when we are out running errands and going to dinner where I see people with their babies, and it makes me want to scream...I SHOULD be six months along right now...

I just, I don't really have anyone to talk to about it. I don't even know if it's normal to feel all these things at once. It makes very little sense. How can I feel guilt, regret, sadness, loss, relief, and love all at the same time? Not to mention the longing to conceive again...sometimes I don't know if i'm emotionally ready, but most of the time I know it my soul it's time.

I'm sorry for rambling I just needed to air it to people who I know could be there, and listen.

Thank you, ladies.

Moms Expertise
    Everything you're feeling is completely normal! I went through those same emotions when I had my miscarriage. Miscarriages can physically and emotionally painful and it isn't always easy to move past them. It's a loss! Your baby passed away and even though you might not have had them in your arms... you carried them inside of you . I am so very sorry for your loss. I promise it will get easier. I just takes time and don't be afraid to talk about it and don't be afraid to talk to your ob or regular doctor about it. I think sometimes we forget the hormonal rollercoaster we go through with getting pregnant and then the miscarriage. Sometimes the emotions are from all the hormones.
      It is a sad loss and I am so sorry . I had two miscarriages. The first me and my sister were pregnant at the very same time. We had told my son, thought of names, ect. Then a few months later, it happened again. When my sister gave birth I knew I should be happy for her, but I felt sad for my babies too. Your emotions, ALL of them, are valid and all equally important part of your process, and it is YOUR process. Let yourself feel all of those things. Now, one year after my first miscarriage, I became pregnant, and carried to full term a beautiful baby girl, my precious Heather. I would have never had her if I had not miscarried. I cannot imagine my life without her and can only accept that those two miscarriages were for some reason. I hope this in some way helps.
      Stay strong
        All of you are so great. I haven't had the gumption to respond to everyone personally, I just get really sad, and I feel like it IS my fault because I didn't know so I wasn't really taking care of myself. Doc said there was nothing i could have done differently since all my hpts were neg. I'm still working through it, but we had a long talk recently and I think we're beyond ready. With everything working itself out recently, we're ready to start our family, but we'll never forget our angel baby. <3
        About Kimberley Marshall
        Current: Wyandotte, Michigan
        Birth: March 19
        On Moms.com since: Mar 30, 2014
        Two Angel Babies, first at 5w 3d, October 2013 - second at 6w 05/03/14.