Dealing with Depression at Home
I've had depression issues since I was about Nine years old, and there were times-especially in the high school years, when I attempted things, and let it get the best of me...luckily this friendly boy came out of the blue to be my friend, and was there for me.
But depression after having a baby, especially when you're always at home, always dealing with the baby, can be especially rough. It's worse if you're alone...whether your significant other works all the time, had to leave for months at once, etc. I had my depression under control, until the second day at home with Nina, after Trevor had left for boot camp. Suddenly, it was all just too much, again. I panicked, I cried. I embraced the depression, made myself the embodiment of Mope, and went about my days in a fog. I kept the house mostly dark, since it felt comforting that way...but that isn't how you should deal with it. Not at all.
You need to find someone to talk to, hopefully someone who understands. Even if it's just a close friend, you need to tell someone what's going on in your head. Vent those frustrations and feelings before they become too pent up and too volatile. You can't make that your new child's environment. I kept my feelings inside and un-vented, other than the severe mopiness, until one day I got overly frustrated at the constant demands of a new baby and the lack of sleep and threw my phone against the wall. I realized that it had gone too far, and this time Trevor wasn't here to help me. No friendly stranger was going to walk out of the blue and solve all of my emotional problems this time.
I went to my friend Eric. Probably my best friend, other than Trevor. He doesn't have any kids, and is only a year older than me, but he is always willing to listen when someone has problems, and just needs some support. I told him about my frustrations, and the phone-throwing incident, and the lack of sleep. He suggested I start bringing Nina over, and we could hang out like we used to, just without the bike riding this time. We played video games, we played with Nina. Sometimes, his mom would watch over Nina in the living room while we played Mario Party, or Halo, for an hour, and for a little while, a few days a week, I had some semi-me time again, where Nina was still the central focus, but I had a little bit of help.
You don't have to do it alone. Even if you don't live near friends and family, call them. Talk to someone. Try to get some "you" time in. Turn the lights in the house on, or open a window and let some fresh air in.
Seeing my daughter's ultrasound and learning she was a girl helped snap me out of it. It was like she was real all of the sudden!