Need some serious advice.

Luke and I have been battling our ups and downs with new pregnancy and there have been some pretty terrible things said on hos part about not wanting a family and mention of an abortion. These were all things said during the heat of the moment so I tried to let them go. But I found out that while I was sick and in bed last weekend from my migraine he was on facebook chatting with an Ex saying how he got a "gal" pregnant and he feels like we have nothing in common because I don't party and drink. He also told her how much he really cared for her and how much he thinks of her.
I confronted him this morning and he said he didn't know why he got in touch with her and that he has know excuse, but that he really does care about me and he does want us to work.

This being said. I try not to air our dirty laundry to public people, but I'm at the end of my rope with everything. I don't know if I can work through this. Because I will constantly be wondering if he is feeling something totally different then he is letting on. I also watched my parents do this growing up and I never have ever thought of putting my kids through this.
Tips are welcome!

00
    04/08/14
    At the beginning of my pregnancy, my boyfriend and I went through the same thing! Sometimes even now our arguments could get ugly. I don't think I could give you advice about your relationship but what I can say is at the end of the day you have to so what you think is best for your baby and yourself! Your baby depends 100% on you and being stressed out about it is only going to hurt the baby. I struggled with that part because since I have been pregnant my hormones are on full blast. My advice for you is to be the best mommy and do what is right for your baby. If you feel you need to get away from the stress for a while, maybe try caking up a friend of relative and spend a weekend enjoying yourself!
    1
      04/08/14
      Beth
      I would give it a few days. Wait until both of you are in a good spot and happy with each other and then sit down and have a long talk. Becoming a dad is scary regardless of what kind of situation he's in - and if he has some lingering doubts about if he's ready, you need to hear those and decide what is best for you and the baby. I'm guessing his fear and doubt is what makes him bring up abortion in the heat of the moment, and is why he reached out to his ex. He's looking for an escape plan when he gets panicky.... but it also sounds like his heart is in the right place and he wants things to work out. Addressing and confronting his fears could help him move past them and be ready to move forward with you.
      2
      04/08/14
      Thank you both, it just seems like we talk through things and he is telling me what he thinks I want to here instead of what he is really feeling and then a few weeks down the road everrything he tells me is totally different. we seem to have good communication it just seems like the communication he gives isn't really what he is feeling. His mom always told him having children will be the worst thing ever to happen to him because he will not have freedom, why she would tell her son this I'm not sure. But I think it has played a big part in his life.
      0
      04/08/14
      Thank you Samantha
      1
        04/08/14
        Was he like this towards you before you were pregnant? How long had you two been together?

        I know it can take a while for people to show their "true colors" in a relationship, so you'll have to decide if this is how he really is or if it's just the stress of becoming a father. He may surprise you and become the worlds best dad once he sees that little bundle of joy, but he also may not.

        I think you need to just focus on you right now. If he's bring you down then you need to step away and take care of yourself. Don't shut the door completely, but do what you need to be happy.
        1
          04/08/14
          Taylor, We have not been together for long at all, which is stressful for both of us and I can understand needing to adjust and talk things out with people. He didn't start treating me this way until we were in Colorado visiting his family and friends and then things started changing like the drinking and smoking. he knew I was not a huge drinker and party person when we first started to see each other. But he told me he would have a few social drinks once and a while but nothing more than that, turns out this is not the case. I live far away from family and friends so it is hard to get away for space. But I'm going home at the end of may to visit so I'm hoping it will help.
          0
            04/08/14
            8Theresa Gould
            It sounds like he's scared and unsure, like the others have said. I hope you can convince him to share what he's really feeling (tactfully) and not just say what you want to hear. He probably just doesn't want to upset you but if you explain to him you want the truth (if you are really ready for it) and to work through all the feelings both of you are experiencing, then maybe he'll gradually open up more. I think you both have to get to know each other more too since you haven't known each other long.
            2
              04/08/14
              Sadly I found out recently that my husband was chatting with some girl on facebook while I was pregnant and just after the baby was born so I know how it feels when you find out they've been going behing your back like that.
              In my case I forgave him because we're married and I want the baby to grow up with both parents and because I know that he's honestly sorry.
              But it sounds like your boyfriend is lying to both of you. You need to have a serious talk and he needs to man up and be totally honest with you because that baby deserves to have a father in his life that cares about him.
              Whatever happens I wish you all the happiness in the world. Take care of that baby and try to keep that stress down.
              0
                04/08/14
                4Rina
                What a tough situation to be in!! I am sorry you are going through this. If you don't mind me asking, how old are you and your boyfriend? I think that part of the issue is that this pregnancy is unexpected, you are young, and your boyfriend may not be ready for a baby. That is an understandable way to feel, but he still has responsibilities that he needs to fulfill. The reality is that the two of you might not be for one another. If you had not gotten pregnant, who knows if you would have stayed together? However, given where things stand now with the pregnancy, you owe it to yourselves and to your future child to try to make the relationship work if possible. I would suggest going to therapy as a couple and giving both of you the opportunity to speak openly about how you feel and the way forward. I wish you the best of luck!! Keep us posted.
                0
                  04/08/14
                  Rinna I'm 23 and he is 27.
                  0
                    04/09/14
                    He may just be scared.I read that men also go through pre-natal stress of some sort and it can be hard to cope.It also seems he has some deep rooted past issues with what his mom told him, so it may require professional help to work through them. For now, do as the ladies have said, take care of yourself, give him some space.You and baby come first right now.All the best.
                    0
                      04/09/14
                      Thank you all, we are going to work it out together. I have set a time line for things start improving so if we see no improvement at that point. Life for us both will be changing.
                      1
                      About paige
                      Born: Wilton, Maine
                      Current: Silver City, New Mexico
                      Birth: January 18
                      On Moms.com since: Jan 30, 2014
                      Hi, my boyfriend and I have recently found out we are having a baby, a little unexpected but now that it is becoming reality we are very excited!