Full-on Crazy Moment
Have you ever just...had enough? Everything was fine, and happy! Then, suddenly, not two seconds later, everything is NOT ok, and you don't know why?
I had a moment like that a little while ago.
Nina was in bed, and Trevor and I were just layin out on the living room floor watching the animated Star Wars: The Clone Wars series on Netflix...at one point, we started throwing our pillows at each other and having fun lobbing random soft toys and pillows at one another. The next, I was about to be pinned down and tickled mercilessly, with no hope of escape without having to potentially maim my husband.
Then, I broke. Something up in the Morgan Brain snapped, or malfunctioned. Out of nowhere, I started crying. Not just crying, but sobbing, bawling, whatever your term for "crying your heart out uncontrollably" is. I don't even know what caused it! All of a sudden, tears welled up, Trevor asked if I was ok, and all I could say was "I don't KNOW!" and the sobbing started.
This went on for at least a full 10ish minutes. I couldn't stop. Suddenly, I was just afraid...afraid of what this year will bring. Will Trevor have to go out to his ship for half a year? Will he not? Will he be ok if he does? I believe in him unconditionally, but for some reason I was terrified for him, and of this year in general. I hadn't even been thinking about it, and yet there it all was. I had convinced myself that I would be fine whenever he has to be deployed. That I can be a good mommy to Nina and manage to keep us busy and happy when he has to go for months at a time. I still believe all of that...but for some reason, for a little while, all of those secret fears I thought I had banished came up and took over. My eyes still hurt from the force of those tears. I haven't cried like that in YEARS.
Once I calmed down, Trevor made sure I was ok, and we talked and then he made me laugh by saying he knew to just hug me through it all because, yes, he was aware that I am a crazy lady and even though he hadn't known what was wrong, he knew I would tell him once I could. He teased me, saying we had one of those stereotypical man-woman moments, where everything is fine and suddenly the woman flips out and the man has absolutely no idea why...gotta love him for managing to make me laugh after all of that, and for the understanding.
I just...needed to vent. Sorry ladies!