Unraveling my anger and finding peace
This afternoon, I posted such a nasty rant about my husband.
I was very frustrated, I made some cruel accusations, and generally roared until I got it out of my head. That was step number one, and it was helpful.
Step number two was the community response. My husband and I live essentially on our own--we moved away from family and friends, and as such, we have no one else to rant to. We are very close, but sometimes, it creates a negative echo chamber, and we are too angry to actually hear one another. This gives me such an appreciation for Moms.com and its community members. Safe space--it's as simple as that. We're here, and it's safe to sound off (as Alissa mentioned in her reply to my rant), and we understand. And like Jessica Garvin mentioned, no matter how hard my husband tries, he won't be "mommy." And that's okay. I will still admit that I do fear he doesn't relate to her, but later to him, and not from a place of blame, but rather from a want to help.
Step number three came when I misread an article that was listing resume tips, or something like that. I read what I wanted to read, and I read "Read the intent," because today, in my crazy headspace, that made sense to me. My husband is frustrated because my daughter is clingy, and that causes him to be unable to get his work done, and he works to support us, plain and simple. He worries about being able to do so, and noting that his anger comes from a place of love and fear and not being able to deliver, that causes me to step back from my angry precipice and take a breath.
Step four--the breath. With the breath comes mindfulness, and with mindfulness comes compassion. And now, when I get home, I can handle my husband's agitation and my daughter's clinginess in the right mindset. And that was my mental journey today! Much better now. :)
Intent is so important to remember. That's a big one that I have to remind myself of quite often.
I am glad you are feeling better and I hope your husband understands what an awesome wife he has.