Daddy issues

First off let me say I love my husband very much we were together almost 9 years before we got married and had Owen who is now 3 months. I know that he loves Owen very much, BUT he doesn't spend a lot of time with him. I have to give him the baby for him to hold him, and when he does hold him he only does so for a little big before putting him down or putting him in a swing. He wont feed him unless I give him the baby and a bottle and I have to leave the room. If he is crying I have to tell him to "Go fix the baby" He wont just automatically go help him or see whats wrong. I have told him several times that he doesn't spend enough time with him and he needs to do more with him... but he doesn't... What's going on here? What's wrong? How do I get him to spend more time with our son with out totally loosing it? He comes home from work and is more worried about his supper then saying Hi to his son... I dont get it, I don't understand.... :(

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    04/16/14
    Hi MollyMae, I've been a little concerned with my husband doing the same thing. It's not that he doesn't love Jayson. He adores him. He will talk to him and kiss him and all that but like your husband he won't hold him much unless I encourage it, and he will let him cry if I'm not in the room until I come back and tell him to take care of the baby. I don't know if it's a guy thing or what.
    I'm just as confused as you are. Maybe we both need to have a heart to heart with our hubbies about it. Maybe they don't realise what they're doing.
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      04/16/14
      8Theresa Gould
      I think it takes some men a while to take initiative. Don't feel bad, hopefully that will change as Owen gets older. Right now Owen doesn't really interact and I think once he does your husband will probably take more notice. You cannot rush what your husband is not ready for. I'd say keep doing what you are doing but don't push him or both of you will likely resent each other. I think I was doing much like you are doing with my husband until my third when I really needed help. Though my husband would sit down on the floor and play with our children, he just needed guidance as to what needed to be done when. He's always been a great playmate.
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        04/16/14
        I learned that with my husband it's more that he is worried about doing something wrong with the baby. Not fear of hurting him but fear of upsetting me if he did something his way instead of mine. Men also have a different way of showing emotions. Especially with a baby. If your husband is not an emotional person in general with people aside from you, he won't be that way with the baby. I know my husband is not a fan of young babies. As our son gets older him and daddy spend more and more time together without me asking him to spend time with him.
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          04/16/14
          He use to ask me when is he going to do this when is he going to do that... now he doesn't and he doesn't think when he is with him I have to watch him all the time!! Like just yesterday when he got home I brought Owen outside with me when I was taking the garbage out and Ryan had just gotten home so I gave Owen to Dad and threw the trash away just to make it easier. When they came inside Ryan put Owen on the floor, had him sitting against his carseat and said just sit there a minute.... Owen fell over hit his head on the carseat and the floor and started to scream and cry... Ryan just looked at him and continued to take his boots off... then he picked him up with Owen still crying and was blowing in his face and trying to get him to play. I told him he has to love him and not teas him he is hurt and why would you do that. I was so mad! Owen wouldn't stop crying so I went over a took him and in about 5 mins got him to calm down... HONESTLY!!! I get so frustrated with him some times because he doesn't think and just does stuff... OMG one day I went grocery shopping (left Owen at home with dad) came home and asked how their morning was and Ryan had fed him BACON STRAWBERRY YOGURT AND PANCAKES!!! Who gives a not even month old baby all that food!!! Ahhhhh!!! I want him to get better and spend more time with Owen but I also need him to be smart about it!!
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            04/16/14
            My husband will torture our son to the point where I just want to smack them both...when I ask him why he does it he tells me they are bonding. One day I asked him to change the baby when he was about a month old and they both came into the kitchen where I was cooking COVERED in baby powder! He will take him in the bathroom and they come out both covered in water and water dripping down our sons face and when i ask what he's doing my husband replies "he's sweatin" I had to learn to let them "bond" the more I did that the more they actually bonded. Boys are strange creatures.
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              04/16/14
              That's what I thought too. My husband explained to me that it is just a right of passage. If they are not both screaming by the end of their interaction I think they feel cheated. Lol and daddy is his favorite person in the whole world! Even over me...and I'm the nice one! Lol
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                04/16/14
                I totally understand...now when they act like that I just go in the other room or outside :-)
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                  04/16/14
                  He sounds just like my husband! I will never understand why they do that. As then pass the baby off for you to calm down. We have a rule in our house "daddy doesn't comfort" he hands baby to mommy.
                  But I do remember my dad doing the same thing to my brother and my brother doing the same thing to both his kids.
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                  About MollyMae
                  Current: Forest Lake, Minnesota
                  Birth: December 19
                  On Moms.com since: Apr 8, 2014
                  I am currently a SAHM I work for a construction company 2 days a week but get to bring my son with me so that's wonderful. We enjoy being outside, four wheeling, boating, jet skiing. My husband and I have been married since 10/2013. Love being a momma!!!