So hurt.

I just found out yesterday that my husband has been talking to his ex (baby momma of the two boys) for this whole month. Idk how long this has been going on. All I know is he has been texting her every morning when he leaves for work and calling her talking for an hour and a half to two hours. I asked him about it and he lied saying he didn't do anything and says it was just about his kids. I want him to ask about his kids but it doesn't take that long to ask about them. I told him I knew it was more than that and he just kept lying saying it wasn't. You all may think i'm crazy or insecure but I had a gut feeling something was going on and I was right. He wont tell me what was said or anything. And today he tells me he's sorry for doing that. I do not accept his apology right now. I have never been so hurt in my life! The fact that he has lied to me makes it so much worse. I am trying like crazy to work this out cause I do not want to loose him. I love him more than anything! I just don't know what else to do. I feel like he's not happy and wants to be with her. All in all I feel our marriage is based on lies now. Ughh. I hate this. I never thought in a million years he would do this. I'm sorry for the rant I just need some advice. We have only been married 6 and a half months.

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    04/23/14
    It's tough to deal with distrust so early in a marriage. Maybe you two should seek therapy before his behavior ruins the marriage. I wish you the best of luck.
    1
      04/23/14
      Before you make any irrational decisions or do anything you'll regret, take a deep breath and look at the big picture of it. You can't base your whole marriage on this one thing. I know it feels like everything is a lie now, but it's not. If he married you, he did it because he loved you. If he was really as unhappy as you think he is, he would have called the wedding off and said no, he didn't want to get married. But he didn't do that. Secondly, it's necessary for him to have a relationship with the mother of his children (I don't like the term baby mamma). It's crucial that, even if one or both parents move on, the biological parents remain in good terms with each other. If you feel like he's making plans to see her and he's denying it, then there's not much else you can do but believe it until you see proof otherwise. Don't waste your days constantly questioning him about his actions because what will more than likely happen is this: your questioning will make him feel like you don't trust/love him and he WILL become unhappy and end up leaving or cheating. Don't fight fire with fire. Don't react in fear. Be a confident wife. A loving wife. And show him that you trust him and love him. Questioning him regularly about it and getting upset over it is what's going to make things worse. Let things run their course before you jump to conclusions.
      1
      04/23/14
      Great advice! I even learned a thing or two :)
      1
        04/23/14
        This is a tough situation. I have been there before my number one rule is do not lie to me, no little white lies...just none. I was with a man before that if his mouth was moving you can guarantee he was lying. I do not see why he texts his ex first thing in the morning, but the talking on the phone that long every day...is just weird to me. Yes I understand they have children but I do not see any reason they need to talk that long all the time. You have every right to be suspicious and hurt, if their is nothing shady going on why lie, even if their isn't something going on it makes the situation look shady by lying. Has he been acting different lately? Coming home late? Has he started paying less attention to you? Showed you less affection? In my opinion once you have started lying to someone, guilty or not, it is just so hard to get past the lying and mistrust, it will drive you nuts with suspicion and worry. Hope everything works out for you...stay strong and keep your head up.
        1
        04/23/14
        Well that's how I found out. Maybe I am crazy?! lol I will never second guess my gut feeling though. If I didn't find out about it god knows how long it would go on and I not know. I already feel like a fool.
        0
          04/23/14
          I know for a fact things are going on between the two of them. I also respect that he talks to her and asks about his kids, that's not the issue. I try to give him the benefit of the doubt but now I really can't. I am trying to stay strong work things out but why should I try and care he doesn't?? He says he does but I can't see it.
          0
            04/23/14
            Everyone's situation is different. I know when my husband and I split, I fought for our marriage for well over 2 years. I did everything I knew I could but my husband was on a lot of drugs so my case was a little different because he was addicted to substances. I can't fight that battle for him. I mean, there are times when people might look at us now and think we are getting back together, but we're not. We just learned over time to be more friendly. I took him to the zoo with myself and our daughter. Not because I want to get back with him, but because I wanted him to share that experience with her. If it's already gotten to the point where you have to check phone records, then you both are already in pretty deep. You guys have only been married 6 months. I would really try to seek some professional advice about the situation if you are both open to that idea. Maybe he would be more willing to open up to an unbiased third party.
            0
              04/23/14
              I doubt it. If he can't be open with me then he won't with anyone else. He's very stubborn.
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              About Heather
              Born: Crossville, Tennessee
              Current: Crossville, Tennessee
              Birth: April 15
              On Moms.com since: Mar 6, 2014
              I'm 21, I married my best friend October 4, 2013, I have 3 step children, one girl and two boys. I'm very blessed and so happy where I am in life. It hasn't always been easy but definitely has made me stronger. Planning to have a child of my own.