Just to vent... :-/

I don't know if it is possible to have postpartum depression close to a year later? I remember when I first had Hunter I had a big of a depression not knowing if I was able to handle the stress and pressure of being a new mom and going back to work. I always thought I was making a mistake, and I had no idea what I was doing. My boyfriend and I fight a lot more since he was born, and he has threatened to leave me many times. It has taken everything out of me to beg for him to not leave me and the baby because I don't know what I would do without him.

Now, I have these feelings again of am I good mom, am I making the right decisions for my son, I have feelings of wanting to just runaway and leave, and I hate the way I look and feel. Is this normal?? My doctor gave me a prescription for an anti-depressant medicine, but I have not yet filled it.

I love my son, but I wonder each day am I doing good for him?? I am not home because I work full time, and I don't know what I am doing when I am with him half the time. I am just trying to guess on everything that will keep him happy. I keep my head up and do what I can and what I am told, but I am starting to get tired and exhausted, I can't stop crying sometimes, and as much as I am trying to loose my baby weight, I just want to eat and eat.

I guess this is just a faze, and I hope that it will go away soon. I am normally a really happy person, and I normally don't hold on to feelings like this, but for the first time I can't seem to shake it.

Sorry about this post, just once in a while, it feels good to get out what you feel and know that I am not alone. Hopefully this will be a phase and I can move forward and get over this.

    Definitely get that prescription filled and remember that most of those medications take a good 4 weeks to really start working so don't give up! Secondly, we all feel that way. I made the choice to leave a job I absolutely adored to be home with Charlie and I STILL feel like I'm screwing up all the time. But then.. we go to his pediatricians appointment and he says "nope, nothing I can say! Charlie is perfect!".. and then.. at the grocery store when we run into people we know and Charlie is cracking them up because he smiles at them and they tell us what a happy baby we have! It happens hon.. happens to every one of us. Mothering is HARD! Harder than I ever thought it would be.

    Take a deep breath and vent as much as you want to my friend, we're listening :)
    Thank you ladies. I know that no one is perfect. It is just those times where you feel like you are the only one that can't do this. But I should go and get the medicine. Unfortunately, with me working full time, and Matt watching the baby during the day, my time off work is very limited. But definitely venting, and knowing that I am not alone does make me feel better. I hope/know that "this to shall pass". Just have to stay strong.

    This is why I joined this site, because I don't have any other friends with kids, and Matt's family sort of expects me to know what I am doing. Just have to take everything one day at a time.
    Y'know Michelle Goldstein it's like those meme's that go around on Facebook... like.. "Every mom out there is making their kids Disney pancakes and I'm over here like.. look! My kid still has all his limbs!" lol.. that's how I feel ALL THE TIME. My bf's sister has 3 daughters, roughly 16, 14 and 10. Each of them are in every sport in school, each of them has made honor roll, they are happy, respectful, beautiful children. The house is clean, the dog is polite, the husband is always smiling... Now, I have no idea how she does it, but I know that we all have our own fires we're fighting. You just get home from work, snuggle that beautiful baby and be so grateful that you had the opportunity that so many have missed. I am new in my town and just don't get along with a lot of moms with kids my kids age. I think they think I'm snotty, and I probably am lol.

    So.. welcome to the site, I suggest visiting the Moms Expertise section and providing your feedback. It's amazing how much better I feel when I know that my opinion or something I've been through has helped another mom. Good luck to you mama!
      I had random bursts of not knowing if I was doing the right thing or not by my baby. I found that my bursts, however, were actually at the Times I felt the whole weight of the world on my shoulders. When it gets so heavy you feel it start to slip of your shoulders because you can't hold it any longer. Parenting isn't knowing everything, it's about making decisions you may or may not be sure of. Don't let you world get so heavy that you feel like you have to figure out which way to let it slip off and break.grab hold and enjoy the ride it takes you on.it's not easy but in the end love, health, and happiness always gives you the strength to hold your world on your hands and tell it which way it's going too soon through life. Trust me momma you are doing a great job !!
      About Michelle Goldstein
      Born: Los Angeles, California
      Current: Los Angeles, California
      Birth: December 08
      On Moms.com since: Apr 16, 2014
      I am a mom to a beautiful boy named Hunter as well as a "step" mom to my boyfriends 10 year old daughter. I work full time, while my boyfriend is a stay-at-home dad for my son. I love cooking and being a mom and spending time with my family.