My son admitted today that he doesn't like his teacher

Bear with me, this might get long winded. I'm just at a point that I am not sure how to deal with this. I know how I would handle it with a neurotypical child, but Bub is on the autism spectrum (aspie) so I truly don't know how to deal with this in a way that would help him.

Bub often tells me that his teacher is quick to get mad at him and that he doesn't understand her. In her defense, Bub has his share of behavior issues (refusal to do work, laying his head on his desk and shutting down being examples) so I know her frustration isn't coming out of no where. I truly believe she just doesn't have experience with a child like him and he is dealing with things like the school change and hormones added to his aspergers and it's become a big crap storm this year in class between the two of them.

He never would admit to not liking her until I sort of pressed the issue this morning. She had emailed me and told me he refused to do work the morning before. When I asked him about it he said "But the afternoon was good mom! The substitute that we had after Mrs P left was really nice and even told me what a great job I did with everything!"

With a neurotypical child I would say suck it up butter cup, just because you don't like the teacher doesn't mean you can shut down and refuse to work. But, he doesn't think that way. He gets overwhelmed and then everything goes out the window for him.

A few weeks ago his teacher said to me "I get the feeling that Devin just doesn't like me." after another similar situation. He wouldn't work with her in the room but when the substitute came in he was absolutely fine.

I have no idea how to handle this, to be honest. When I asked the counselor he told me to just encourage him to try and keep rewarding good behaviors. I am FRUSTRATED though, it's not helping!

Does anyone have advice?

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    04/30/14
    I know that there is protocol in the school system where u can't just swap out teachers or rooms. If go through your line of command. Written letters, principle, counselor etc.
    request a new one.
    It seems the teacher might make this easier too if she knows he doesn't like her. It can't be one sided. She sounds like she has just lost her way with him.

    Take the steps you need to do. I agree w u. He needs to like his teacher or he will shut down and she doesn't want that either right? She prob knows there's no recovering once he's made his mind up that he doesn't like her I bet?
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    04/30/14
    See, that's what I am trying to decide, Jessica. They have a month left of school so I don't think there would even be time to make the switch, but maybe I shuold try anyways?

    Ugh, I just don't know.

    It seems like Bub's biggest issue right now with his teacher is that he feels the work is just too easy and he is mad that she insists he do it. The school had asked me before if I wanted him tested for gifted and I said no, but actually I think it would be a good idea.
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      04/30/14
      Comment deleted
      04/30/14
      These are all great questions!

      She does reward him with things. I do feel like she has tried to encourage him but for some reason he just doesn't and won't connect with her.

      As far as him changing classes, if I could know it could be done tomorrow I would be on the phone today. He actually likes the teacher he goes to for cooling off (another teacher who works with children in every grade) but he can't be switched to her class all day because she doesn't teach just one grade.
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      04/30/14
      Comment deleted
      04/30/14
      His words were "She gets mad at me all the time and I don't understand why!"

      The reality is she reacts to his behaviors. An example: they were doing some testing and Bub got frustrated and started scribbling angrily on his paper. No, he shouldn't do things like that and the teacher knows we are working very hard on teaching him to ask for help before he gets frustrated. So he's already at that frustration level without really being able to verbalize it and she reacts to his behavior, which I can understand. But HE doesn't get that because a big part of his asperger's is not understanding social cues.

      That is probably his biggest issue with being on the spectrum, the social cues. Another example. It's bedtime, he and his sister are both stalling a bit so I say a little more forcefully "It's time for bed you guys." He gets in bed, I go to tuck him in and he says "I feel like I am in trouble mom." He doesn't get that frustration has levels and that it doesn't mean that you are in trouble. It's just a signal to take what I am saying seriously.
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        04/30/14
        If it were me, I would ride the rest of this school year out since there isn't much left of it, then make sure I talk to the school staff (principle, counselors, etc) before the next school year and let them know the situation. The school staff needs to all be on the same page about it. If I were you I'd make sure my child was in the appropriate classes with the appropriate teachers so that it doesn't happen again. Unfortunately though, public schools are just about merciless and it's hard to get them to understand that not every child learns the same or at the same rate. Hope you guys can end this school year well.
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          04/30/14
          4Amanda
          I have to say that after dealing with behavior issues with my daughter at school every year she has been in school, that I agree with the counselor. She has done the same things. She will even go as far as saying that I told her that she doesn't have to do the work in school because I have her do it at home. She will play in her desk, other students desks, and other things that tend to disrupt the class just so she doesn't have to do the work.

          We implemented a reward system. If she brings home good behavior grades from school all week, she gets a treat at the end of the week. Her favorite is to go out to eat, so that is what we will normally do. Sometimes we will rent a movie and have a pizza night, especially on the weekends that we get my step daughters.

          This year, she has started to forget her homework, so she now she has to remember her homework and get the good behavior grades. Its worked so far.

          My daughter is the same way with her work. Since she is advanced in her grade, she hates to do the work, especially reading. She is in third grade and reads on a fifth grade level. The teacher allows them to choose their own books, so she is allowed to choose books that are on her level, but she likes to put up some resistance.
          There are only a few things that she is actually on the same grade level with the other students.
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          About Melissa
          Birth: December 31
          On Moms.com since: Mar 3, 2014
          I am a single mom of two fantastic kiddos that I love to pieces. Currently in school working towards my teaching degree. You can find me most days on www.mommathoughts.com when I am not here chit chatting! :)