Venting After Loss

So, I am a bottler-upper. And many of you guys around here are aware that I recently had a miscarriage.

I've done a lot of escaping into writing and reading and deep cleaning the house, party planning... Anything I can do to stay busy.

But sometimes, nevertheless, out of nowhere all this sadness and anger just starts pouring out.

I don't want to hurt the relationships with my friends and neighbors, nor a chasm with my husband and I need to get control of it.

Those of you who have experienced loss... did you have these random surges of emotion? How did you deal with them?

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Moms Expertise
    11/05/13
    Comment deleted
    11/07/13
    That's brilliant!! Maybe I'll rip up some paper... I need some more encyclopedia pages to cover my other lampshade anyway then get an angry mix on the Kindle and head to the gym. Getting moving and let it. Thanks for the great tip!
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      8Theresa Gould
      You know, you are grieving. We all grieve differently. Grief for me had its ebbs and flows of emotions. They ranged from deep sadness and bouts of crying to being incredibly angry - all part of the grief process. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. This has been such a pet peeve of mine, especially to those who don't seem to know what grieving is and I came across many of those people when I was grieving. Your husband may not grieve the way you do. I know with my first loss, my husband really didn't know how to help me through my grief.

      Sometimes grief counseling helps. But if you do it, both of you should go so you can help each other through this. It isn't a time for you to be divided.

      You like to write, have you tried journaling your grief? But I would suggest you talk to your husband, don't shut him out, even if that means you write to him about how and what you are feeling. I don't know how the two of you communicate or deal with difficulty in your marriage, but allow this huge loss in your life to pull you together not apart.

      I journaled my thoughts for the most part, but I did talk to my husband too. I allowed myself time to cry and be tired of grieving. I slept along for a while because I was exhausted with the grief.

      Have you decided how you are going to remember your little one? Maybe creating some sort of memorial would help you work through some of your feelings. After Lisa's post, I am ordering a little baby shoe in memory of our son Michael, who we lost this past June.
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      I do think this has been pulling my husband and I closer. Though I have had bouts of anger and sadness with some serious crying where he has subsequently fallen asleep (I swear he's narcoleptic or something!) He does not have much experience in comforting people, and I accept that and try to allow it to bring us closer regardless.

      I am writing for Nanowrimo this year and it is definitely helping to vent and grieve, not only over the loss of the baby but of a dear friend as well.

      I had not thought about getting a memorial of some sort until Lisa's post, but I think I will. He or she was a life and as much as my escapism lends me to it, should not be forgotten. I think I will look into some sort of memorial.
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      About Cassaundra Owens
      Birth: February 13
      On Moms.com since: Oct 11, 2013
      I'm a little strange, pretty green, and learning to live life as a wife, future mother, and entrepreneur. Right now, my husband and I are trying for our first after 3.5 years of infertility and 2 losses. Viva la adventure! Join me too at MortalMommy.com!