Memorials for Miscarriage
I was watching 19 Kids and Counting today and it was the episode where they find out that they lost their 20th child at 17 weeks. The fact that I've experienced two miscarriages of my own made this a particularly emotional episode for me.
They did a big memorial service and funeral for their daughter (they found out it was a girl afterwards) Jubilee, which I thought was very nice. Friends and family came to support them and they got to say goodbye. It was still sad, but they seemed to get a lot of closure from the experience.
My miscarriages were much earlier on and we didn't do anything to officially mourn our losses. I honestly felt like I suffered in silence, which I feel like many women do. Part of me didn't want to make a big deal out of it. I didn't want people to know, I didn't want them to pity me or feel awkward talking to me. I just wanted to pretend I'd never been pregnant. Of course, I couldn't do that. The pain was real and that baby was real. I think my choice to just cry it out and handle my pain alone made the healing process harder. Even my family, who did know about my loss, made me feel like I shouldn't invest so much in a child that never existed. They'd say, "you're young, you can always try again". They were trying to be supportive, but it really hurt. I mean, if i'd lost a 3yr old, would anyone be talking about me trying again? like I could just make another one to replace the one I'd lost?
Maybe if I had done some sort of official ceremony to say goodbye - maybe even given him/her a name - I would have felt better. I could've gotten more closure. Maybe my friends and family would have been able to understand that I lost a child, not just the idea of a child....
What do you think about memorials for a miscarried baby?