Help! My daughter is a bully!

So my daughter's school just called to inform us that my 5 year old daughter, Ocea, has broken someones lunchbox and we need to pay for it. At the parent teacher conference , the teacher told us that Ocea is aggressive with boys and has had issues with personal bubbles regarding both boys and girls. We've done time outs, taking privileges, and even spanking although that's not our first choice by any means. Nothing has worked. We've had minor incidences at home but nothing like what she does at school. How do I discipline my daughter so she's not a bully anymore?

02
    11/05/13
    Comment deleted
    11/05/13
    Me too! The school called again and said they would pay for the lunchbox and have my daughter work it off at school. She's only 5 but it's never too early to teach responsibility. So they'll have her wipe down tables after lunch until it's worked off. Honestly, this is one area that after years of motherhood I never thought I'd be stumped! I have advice or at least experience in every other subject of parenting but I never saw this coming. I was a terror in elementary school as well but I thought I raised her a little better in that aspect. Hopefully their choice of consequences works out.
    1
      11/05/13
      3Cassiah Anderson
      We are getting ready to do an anti bully event at my daughters school, and one of the things that came up is most people who bully is because they are being bullied. I know my oldest daughter started bullying a girl at school and when we finally sat down and talked with her (after several consequences) she stated that a child who picked on her in prek never got in trouble so why did she. She was in kindergarten when she started bullying, and we had no idea that she was being bullied in pre k. Talk with her and see what she says, ask her if someone has done it to her or how she'd feel if someone was doing this to her. Hope this helps :-)
      1
        11/05/13
        I think you first step is to determine why your daughter is using this behavior, and some reasons are: permissive caregivers/parents, she needs attention or respect, aggression is used to gain rank or power, for fun, media overexposure..
        What action can you take now?
        1. monitor media consumption: does she become more aggressive after playing certain video games or watching particular movies?
        2. model empathy- consciously model kinder, gentler behavior for you daughter to copy. And make sure the kids and adults your daughter hangs around are those who appropriate models as well.
        3. Get dad involved. kids whose dads were positively involved in their care were found more empathic.
        4. Listen carefully to your daughter and try to gather facts. Find the ways to "do good" -community service, food drives, etc.
        1
          11/05/13
          Comment deleted
            11/06/13
            8Theresa Gould
            Is she angry about anything? Like the aforementioned suggestion that she may be being bullied herself.
            0
              11/07/13
              Great advice ladies! Thanks for your input and I'll try to demonstrate kindness more. I'm usually pretty lovey dovey with my kids and I was a single mom for the first 18 months of my daughter's life and I maybe smothered her too much. So she feels the love but maybe I've simmered down a bit since my son was born. She never talks about needing anything from us and she has never mentioned a bully at school. The school had her sharpen pencils and pick up during recess to try to work it off and we've explained that she has to replace what she broke. It does seem a little harsh to make us pay for a lunch box but if that family is struggling like we are then I can see why they'd want us to pay for it. She was rough housing and pulled on the lunch box enough to rip it (it's a cloth lunchbox) so we're thinking it was kind of an accident but nonetheless she broke the personal space rule. She hates it when we get in her bubble but she doesn't care about other peoples bubbles. I don't think it's anger but rather disregard for other people. Since this happened, she hasn't had any issues at home or school so I think she got the idea. I was a troubled kid so I can see her having problems in the future. Because of that, I plan to talk to a counselor to see if there's a behavioral program like when I was in elementary school. Something. Anything! Thanks again for all of your advice :)
              3
                04/10/16
                she should be punished at home as well you should spank her
                0
                About Bitty Marvin
                Born: Colorado Springs, Colorado
                Birth: October 24
                On Moms.com since: Oct 11, 2013
                I'm a bit weird. Mostly awkward. I tend to push limits and go against the grain. My family is pretty goofy as well. I dig games and any outdoor activity. My passion is music and I love doing crafts. FYI My daughters name sounds like OSHA.