I NEED SOME ADVICE

I am SICK and TIRED of being treated like trash by the father of my child. I stay constantly stressed out because of the way he speaks to me. We got in an argument the other day because he thinks that two diaper boxes of clothes is enough for the baby!! And on top of that, the stuff that I do have, he has contributed to none of it! He is always talking about things that he wants for himself and spending all kinds of money on his vehicle, but I never hear him say anything about what he wants to do for his son.... And if I bring it up I get cussed and yelled at and called stupid! Last night he told me, and I quote, "I will buy the baby stuff when I decide to do it. And when I do, it won't be to make you happy, it will be because I wanted to do it. And if you don't shut the f%$& up about it, I'm never gonna buy anything." That hurt my feelings SO bad. I moved away to Alabama where my mom lives, but I am packing up my things and moving back to my home town tomorrow. I feel like I am stupid for doing this, but I love him and I'm only hoping he will get better. I won't be living with him, however that's something I would be wanting to do once it got closer to me having the baby... but I don't want our son to hear him talking to me like that! EVER! He has also told me he wants a DNA test. He said he wasn't signing a birth certificate until he knew the baby was his... He KNOWS that the baby is his. I think he is just trying to separate himself from it and is hoping that the baby is not his. I found out today that a DNA test costs $525. I told him if he wanted to pay that he could, but I wasn't paying a dime of it. And I also told him if he didn't sign the certificate when the baby was born, that the baby would not have his last name. Also if he doesn't sign the certificate, he has no rights! So I told him that if he wanted to he could sign a paper which would take away EVERY RIGHT as the father. He would not be legally obligated to pay for ANYTHING. He said he didn't want to do that and he wanted to take care of the baby.... HE'S MESSED UP IN THE HEAD... WHAT DO I DO!?

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    05/02/14
    Not sure that I have much in the way of advice for you. But the stress isn't god for you or the baby. Removing yourself from the situation is probably the best thing for now. Maybe you leaving will make him realize his mistakes. I know you love him but you need to do what is best for you and your child. A lot of men have a hard time with the reality of a baby until its born. My husband was really great while I was pregnany but because he wasn't dealing with the day to day of carrying this little person inside of him it was hard for him to connect. I hope things get better and know you always have people to talk to here.
    1
      05/02/14
      I think you need to separate yourself from him for a while. He doesn't sound like he's going to supportive to you during this and if that's the case you have to let him go. You'll be plenty busy learning how to be a great mom and you don't need to waste any effort on his selfishness. Just know that this isn't your fault. You didn't do anything wrong and it's his loss.

      Hopefully he'll realize that he's missing out on his sons life and decide to be supportive for him, but if he can't be good to you then you don't need to put up with that.
      1
        05/02/14
        Well, I have been off and on with him for 5 years and he has always been crappy to me. He was also an alcoholic all of the years I have known him, up until recently. This made me VERY happy when he stopped drinking. But I knew all this about him and I continued to have unprotected sex with him. I feel like this part is my fault. I should have known that if he got be pregnant that he wouldn't be any type of father. I feel like I am to blame for that part... I wasn't TRYING to get pregnant, but I wasn't trying to prevent it either. I just had an ounce of hope that maybe he would change for his child. So now I feel like I have given my child a POS for a father. And that hurts me SO SO bad... :(
        0
        05/23/14
        Melissa Middleton
        Do not blame yourself for bringing a beautiful life into this world. I believe no child is an accident. Your son is/was meant to be. Sadly, sometimes we think we can "change" men or that a child will. It doesn't always happen. It didn't happen with my father or my nieces' children's father, sadly.
        He is the problem, not you. Besides, this child is going to have a wonderful and amazing mother. Please keep telling yourself this.
        0
          05/02/14
          Comment deleted
          05/02/14
          That was explained perfectly! I even mentioned that to him last night. I said, "Do you want your son to think that it is okay for him to talk to girls the way you talk to me?" Of course, he had nothing to say about that..... This is so true! And I grew up around A LOT of fighting, yelling, and cussing. And for that I was disobedient all thru my teen years. I feel like a lot of children are "bad" when their parents do nothing but scream and cuss around them. I don't want my son to have to grow up in the same situation that I did...
          3
            05/02/14
            Dulcinea Hubbard
            well I think its a good decision you made about moving out. If he talks you that way now he will do when your baby is here and that is not healthy for the baby. Have him pay child support, he is responsible for your baby.
            2
              05/02/14
              4Rina
              Sidney - I couldn't even finish reading everything you and others wrote b/c I was cringing so bad! This is abusive behaviour, and by staying with him, you are resigning your son to witnessing and perhaps repeating this behaviour. PLEASE get the help you need to get out of this relationship. He may be your son's biological father, but that doesn't give him the right to treat you - or anybody - like this. I know that many women continue to love men that treat them this way, but to be honest, I just can't get my head around it! Hopefully, becoming a mother will give you the strength to get out!
              2
                05/23/14
                Melissa Middleton
                He does not deserve you nor the baby. You do not deserve to be treated that way, and you are none of the things he said about you. He is verbally abusive towards you and he may be to your son. It would be a healthier and wiser decision if you separate yourself from him; he obviously does not respect you. You and your baby deserve so much better. I am so sorry this is happening to you. My mother was treated this way by my father and so were we and much worse (because, sometimes, it gets worse). Once our father was out of our lives, my mother was better and so were we. True, every child needs a father, but not in the case where the father is abusive. And, just because he helped you conceive your son, doesn't make him a father. He seems to be very selfish and immature. Do not let him deceive you, Sidney, you are above him. You and your son deserve better and you can do so much better than him.
                The way he treats you infuriates me so.
                1
                About Sidney
                Current: Brunswick, Georgia
                Birth: March 14
                On Moms.com since: Jan 30, 2014