*Downer Alert* Sentimental ways to say RIP Baby and International Bereaved Mothers Day

Sentimental ways to say RIP baby

This is something I've been thinking about a lot lately. My husband and I didn't really have a chance to properly say goodbye to our babies, and that hurts. I wasn't even sure which thing that came out of me in the first miscarriage (second was too early) was baby because it took so long... TMI, but I thought I saw him/her at one point, then continued to pass clots that were HUGE. And then I saw another I was almost certain was baby, but I again didn't know for sure, and... well, I threw it away. I might've thrown away my baby. That makes me feel TERRRIBLE. I wasn't about to bury a bunch of pads in the yard though, you know what I mean? I didn't really know what options I had at that point.

With International Bereaved Mothers Day this weekend, I want to do something special.

While we were traveling across the country trying to get through the rain and snow and avoid the tornadoes, it was hard not to think about the fact that I was supposed to be either be back already via plane or have a carseat in the back... And how FREAKING TERRIFYING that would have been. But, how much I wanted those babies regardless.


It's been a tough few months... And, not gonna lie, I'm wearing a little thin right now. Husband getting out of military was a headache because things kept coming up, fixing his resumes, then finding out that the rental people BLACKLIGHT our carpets (who does that???) the move, the weather, finding a moving company last minute because the military was dragging, toting my baby stuff except clothes and books to the curb... not getting our advances of money to make this ridiculously long move yet, feeling like a jerk for having to have people cover for work for me, having about a bajillion projects I should work on, finding a house, getting a loan, my cat getting out the day we were leaving California (I caught her after being outside all day even after my inspection, thankfully).... My Paypal card getting frozen while we're stuck in Arkansas because of the tornadoes... The traffic, needing to see everyone since we've gotten back (not that I don't want to!) Experiencing the anniversary of a death that eats at my soul and coming back to the town soon thereafter where I spent so many of those memories, one of my closest long term friends just went to jail- he used his one call to call me and I MISSED IT... according to my phone '0 minutes ago.' … Needing to take care of everything here, including our four and five year out of date inspection stickers, my mother-loving tooth cracking... the... everything. Like, this is only a fraction. And I normally hate venting, but with the Bereavement Day coming up and my close friend sending me a picture of a positive pregnancy test... I. Am. Losing. My. Mind. Thank you ladies for reading that, as disjointed as it was... It is nice to vent a little because I tend to keep things inside and 'ignore' them, but sometimes it's just ridiculous. Don't get me wrong... I feel so, so blessed to be back and have the opportunities my husband and I do, but I just want to curl up in a ball with some tea and a book and maybe shed a few tears. Or just sleep a while.

*End Rant*

For International Bereaved Mothers Day this Sunday... I want to do something to remember our little ones. I'd love to get a tattoo, but I don't think I'm going to go there right now... I've thought about planting a flower in a pot, but I'm scared in a way because I don't always have a green thumb. I wish we had our house already so I could plant a tree... Maybe I'll write a poem or some other sort of art. I thought about crocheting something baby, but... I don't know. I feel like that might hurt worse.

I really do like memorial candles, and I might try to buy a couple of those and do something with them.

More than so many things, I just want to take a nice long hot bath and read.... (In part so I can catch up on reviews, but because I could really use the escape a bit.)

I'd love a little piece of jewelry to remember... I know one of the gals here was given a tiny ring at the hospital, but I had my miscarriage at home and never got one. I don't know that I want to buy one.

Sometimes right now, I feel like I don't even have time to grieve, much less have a proper RIP memorial sort of thing. But, I know I need to, to both things...

What tips do you have? Have you done anything special to help you say RIP to your lost little ones?

Are you doing anything for International Bereaved Mothers Day?

I know there's no definite timeframes, but how long did it take you to grieve, just wondering?

Moms Expertise
    I cannot even begin to imagine what you must be feeling. I have never gone through this before and hope to never have to go through what you have been through. My thoughts are with you...

    As for grieving that would be something I am not sure I could ever get over... it would be very hard!
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        I lost my baby in summer 2000. He/she would've been the same age as Erik's son. It was difficult for me. My aunt and I got pregnant at the same time, and when she had a viable pregnancy I couldn't help but feel a little heart broken that my little one didn't make it. It was especially hard when over the years friends got pregnant, multiple times even, all viable pregnancies and here I was struggling to get pregnant. I feel some of your pain. I've only had one affirmative miscarriage...and the others...when I was 16 I was too young to even realize what was going on. I also suspect I miscarried the first Thanksgiving Erik and I were together from the mounting financial stress. I wasn't planning to get pregnant with him, but I didn't know I wanted a baby so badly until I started getting on other forums for moms who couldn't conceive. It helped me heal some.

        I also named my baby, and I wrote God several letters. I prayed a lot, I said a Novena to try to get pregnant again last Fall, and I'm forever grateful it worked. I'm no longer Catholic but I was desperate to have a child.
        About Cassaundra Owens
        Birth: February 13
        On Moms.com since: Oct 11, 2013
        I'm a little strange, pretty green, and learning to live life as a wife, future mother, and entrepreneur. Right now, my husband and I are trying for our first after 3.5 years of infertility and 2 losses. Viva la adventure! Join me too at MortalMommy.com!