So I'm Just Gonna Put This Out There...

I debated for a while whether or not to say anything about it on here because some stuff I feel weird talking about to people because it's either embarrassing or just too personal. But funny enough, as I was driving to work this morning, I was listening to a talk show about a guy who was going through the EXACT same situation as I am right now and I just really felt the need to get some mature opinions on this. I wouldn't trust anyone else but you ladies to give good advice on this.

It's not about kids, which is another reason I was hesitant to post it here but again, I think it would be a smart idea to talk to someone about it instead of just trying to figure this out on my own. So I'm coming to you ladies not as a mom right now, but a woman who needs some guidance lol.

After my husband and I split, I had told myself that I was going to boycott dating for a while so I could get my life together. But of course, life decided that wasn't going to happen lol. I met a guy I used to know from high school and we literally just clicked, instantly. We fell in love from the very start. It was like everything just fell in to place and all the broken pieces just came back together. But, since I had JUST ended my marriage, I wasn't the most trusting person in the world and long story short, I ended our relationship because I thought he was going to leave me, even though he wasn't and I've regretted it ever since.

Recently, we've sort of reconnected and things have been going "ok" but the problem is this: he's with someone else now. He knows I still love him, and he's told me he still loves me, but I know how conflicted this whole situation is because he's with someone else who's probably wonderful, but we both still have feelings for each other. We have only seen each other once since we've reconnected and I think we're both afraid to see each other more because all those feelings are still there and neither one of us want anything bad to happen. I want him to be happy, whether it's with her or me or whoever, but I can't help but feel like I should really tell him how much I love him. But my problem is, I'm afraid it'll either make things bad or I'll ruin his current relationship. I've stayed out of it this whole time, but a part of me really just wants to let him know that I really feel like he's the one for me. I have no idea what his relationship with her is like. They aren't engaged or anything, but I'm not sure if they've made plans to get married, or have plans for the future. After hearing the guy on the radio explain his situation, it really just made me feel that much more conflicted lol. A part of me just wants to force myself to leave it alone and forget him forever. But unfortunately, my brain and my heart just won't let me.

Sorry for this super long post. I just really needed to get this off my chest and see what you ladies thought :/

    Well, this may be selfish of me, but I always try to live my life without regrets. It sounds to me like your brain and heart will regret it if you don't let him know how you feel. If you do let him know, there's a chance that nothing will come of it. It could just be a waste of your time and he will continue down the path he's already on. But at least then you will know it wasn't because he didn't know how you felt. I would tell him. Don't put any pressure on him to leave her and be with you, just be sure he knows how you feel. Be prepared that he may choose her, and that's OK.
      Comment deleted
      He kind of knows. I was very vague about it because I didn't want him to think it was his fault. I just told him I wasn't mentally/emotionally ready for another relationship. I know I hurt him by not trusting him and by breaking it off.

      And thanks for reading/listening. Sometimes I feel awkward because honestly, my life as a mom is working out great lol. Not perfect, but for the most part I don't have any issues. It's all the other stuff that I face as a woman/single mother that tends to be difficult...
        I've always been one of those people that thinks "Honesty is the best policy" when it comes to ANY type of relationship. I also don't believe in having regrets. It's a waste of time. My opinion would be to tell him how you really feel about him. If he truly knows you love him, your feelings should not come as a total shock to him. That lifts a huge weight off of your shoulders and puts the ball in his court so to speak. You won't have to harbor your feelings for him and he can decide whether or not he wants to pursue a future with you.

        Just explain to him that you wish to remain friends (if you do) and that you hope your declaration won't change things too much if he does choose to remain in his current relationship. Let him know that you want him to be happy regardless of his decision. You could also touch on the fact that you felt it wasn't a good time to be in a relationship right after ending a marriage (it never really is) and that was a reason you ended things previously.

        If you keep your feelings to yourself you may end up regretting it and playing that whole "what if" game in your head and that's never good.
          Here's the deal.. and you already answered your own self.. that life has other plans.. SO.. his life has to play out the way it's meant to.. you do NOT want to be the catalyst for anything negative.. he will only see it that way.. deep in side..

          Let him know you care.. and then walk away.. give him that space.. give his girlfriend that space.. .do NOT be his buddy and hear the things that are wrong in his relationship.. stay positive and focused and good.. if it's meant to be.. it will be.. but now it's his time.. he had to move on and he did.. he may come back or this ship has sailed..

          I sound stronger than I am.. I too am divorced.. best friend of 18 years and I started dating, but his life was busy with a new show and his sister battling cancer.. there was no time for me.. as I needed him to be to me.. does that make sense? He was also fresh off a break up from a girl that did a number on him.. I didn't want him that way..

          I told him I loved him and we stayed in touch of course.. I didn't disappear.. he was one of my best friends.. but.. his life had to play out and if there was a time for me to be IN it.. then it would happen..

          A year later.. it did.. Like a Harry met Sally thing.. He had to finish his thing... he had to wrap up his heart from something else.. and in hind sight.. I wasn't as ready as I thought I was then either.. with two kids.. now.. it's lighter, easier.. we were there for each other without being THERE for each other.. make sense?

          So, I have to say that as hard is it is.. as lonely is we can get and are willing to take scraps of a man shoe right now.. belongs to someone else.. BUT. I promise you.. I swear.. Let him go for now.. he will find his way back to you.. if its supposed to be that way.. Stay out of his current relationship.. he will only see you as a apart of it..

          Keep me posted!!!!
            Honestly, you guys have been awesome. I'm almost in tears lol. You all have been SOOOOO helpful and amazing. I'm grateful you all cared enough to give the advice that you did and it was all helpful. I think, as of right now, I'm just gonna wait until the opportunity comes up that we see each other again, in person, and I'll tell him briefly how I feel and then leave it at that. I'll "put the ball in his court" and leave it alone. I'll hate missing him and being without him, but I'll hate it even more if I mess up a good thing. So I'll let him decide. Thank you all so much :')
            Good luck Dale!! Battling with this decision can't be easy. We are here to support you though no matter what happens!!
            About Dale Polley
            Born: Indianapolis, Indiana
            Current: Fortville, Indiana
            Birth: January 04
            On since: Apr 8, 2014
            I'm a 23 year old single mother living in Fortville, IN. I work in Indianapolis. I have a wonderful 3 year old daughter, Clara. Check out my facebook page at :-)