Why do fathers abandon their children

I don't have any personal experience with this unless you include my nephew's dad. But my thoughts are because:

1. They are scared.
2. They are selfish.
3. They do not get along with the mother. (I believe this is one of the reasons my nephew's dad was not really in his life because my sister didn't want him to be, even though they lived in the same very SMALL town. :( )
4. They somehow believe their children are better off without them.

Can you think of other reasons?

02
8Theresa GouldChicago, Illinois
Moms Expertise
    05/09/14
    At the very very beginning of my pregnancy when the bf's nerves were visibly shot, I told him. "Y'know.. you're going to be a great dad" and he said "I really don't want to screw this kid up". I think that encompasses a lot. I think that men are taught not to be afraid of things, as women we're "allowed" to break down and be emotional, but as a man having a son? There's something social that's attached to that and I think some men don't know how to process that fear.
    0
      05/09/14
      Honestly, I believe that being scared is a big part of it. They are afraid they are making mistakes. They are afraid to give up their old life i.e. partying, drinking, drugs, or whatever. They're fear is what makes them think that their child would be better off.

      Not getting along with the mother is a cop out and is not fair to the child. As a child of divorce, I know that it is possible to put aside ANY differences (and my parent's divorce reason was a doozy) and be civil to each other. I have told many friends both male and female that if you keep your child from the other parent it is not abandonment because it is not their choice to be gone.
      2
      05/10/14
      8Theresa Gould
      Not really a cop out, just better for the child if they truly have unresolved issues that truly cannot be resolved because the father would not be good for the child as it was in my nephew's case. My sister's current boyfriend is my nephew's true father in every sense of the word except biologically.
      1
      05/17/14
      I understand that totally if it is an issue like that but there are many people who don't even try. They just walk away because it's "too hard" to deal with little petty issues. My sister was in a situation where the father was removed from my nephew's life for both legal and other reasons. My former sil of the other hand just walked away from my beautiful nieces. She didn't even try. She even told my little niece that the reason she wasn't living there anymore was that she wanted to have a puppy and their duplex wouldn't allow it. It's situations like that where I feel it's a cop out.
      0
      05/10/14
      8Theresa Gould
      I agree.
      1
        05/10/14
        Amanda Hurley
        From personal experience, Jasmine's dad was totally not ready. He had a nervous breakdown right after he found out I was pregnant. I separated from him and have not seen him since. I don't even think he really gets that he is a father.
        2
          05/10/14
          Unfortunately for some men it just seems easy to do! Walk away, leave, abandon them. Sadly, people are able to live with themselves in any state and unfortunately they somehow go on, and society is affected as a whole.
          0
            05/10/14
            Vicky
            addictions. addictions can domimate a person's life to where they leave anyone
            1
              05/10/14
              instability in their own mind, the hearing of them being together but emotional they are indecisive and still on the fence about everything.
              0
                05/17/14
                I personally think there are a lot of reasons. Unfortunately, my sons father has a drug problem which has forced him to not be a part of our sons life. I don't believe he meant to do this but he isn't ready. Addiction is a disease which causes him to be, at least in my eyes, selfish too. However, I agree with Idalia when she said that it is for the same reason as mothers who leave. Also MollyMea made the point that they don't have a bond with their children as babies the way mothers do. Some people just aren't meant to be parents.
                0
                  06/08/14
                  Fathers don't believe they can make a worthy impact on their child(s) lives. Maybe they're ashamed of the road they're on.

                  Fathers want nothing to do with the drama from the baby's momma or baby's momma's family & friends.

                  Father's significant other/spouse doesn't welcome his child(ren) into their home or into their lives.

                  Fath er thinks he is too busy and can't fit child(ren) into his life.

                  Father wants to have a new life or brand new start without any triggers or memories of old life.

                  Father thinks he can evade paying child support.

                  Father thinks life is too complicated and child(ren) complicate things further.
                  0
                  About Theresa Gould
                  Current: Chicago, Illinois
                  Birth: August 10
                  On Moms.com since: Aug 5, 2013
                  ***Baby Team Leader Moms.com*** I have been married for over 20 years. My husband and I have eight children ages 18 down to 4 years old. We use to live in Chicago but now live in Canada. I own www.FaithandFamilyReviews.com.