Enjoy marriage before getting pregnant or dive right in?

How soon to get pregnant after marriage will vary widely from couple to couple because it depends on so many things.

There are the obvious things like financial security, emotional stability, the willingness of both partners etc...

But also to keep in mind is that children are a lifelong investment and commitment. You don't get time to just be married and be husband and wife after kids (At least very little.) You're mom and dad.

A lot of couples like to have some time to adjust to married life. I didn't want a lot, honestly, but I also got married at 18. I saw the WISDOM in waiting and enjoying life as husband and wife, but I was impatient and my biological clock was not ticking, but rather drumming in my ears. I wanted kids a lot.

My husband wanted a little more time to spend as a married couple, but we didn't prevent. We, as many of you know, have encountered fertility problems. I didn't conceive until years of trying had passed, and even that was with help. (Both ended in miscarriage, for those who don't know my story.)

As much as I wanted those babies and younger than I am now, I'm sure it was the right thing that it didn't happen. My husband was a Marine (just recently got out, whoo!) and was gone a LOT. It would've been really hard to raise a baby in a state where I had no family and few friends with my husband constantly away. Plus, he would've missed so much of the younger years and that would've been depressing.

Not only that, but a few years into marriage, it can get tough. You don't get that jolt of oxytocin every single time that person is in your presence. You get comfortable. You get weird. You become family. (And I lived with him for about a year before we even got married, so add in the transition of living with your partner- which is nuts at first, especially as introverts-and I'd give that an adjustment period too if that's new for you)

And don't get me wrong, that's WONDERFUL and I love the state my husband and I are in now, I'm just saying that the transition is challenging. From what I can tell, it's challenging for everyone. I've yet to meet a single married couple who has been through the transition of lovebirds to true family (And I don't think I even mean the honeymoon phase, I mean the two phases after that) when reality sunk in that didn't have their patience tried, the images and ideals about the other smudged, and plenty of arguments. Not one.

Frankly, I would not have wanted to put a baby through that. Not to mention, that's a stressful enough time without a baby. I can't honestly imagine with one.

So, regardless of financial status or anything else (There's always money out there to be made and places to help if you can't find one...) I think it depends on where you are in your relationship and how long you want to spend with just one another.

The time will come for kids, and you'll probably never be 100% ready. But cherishing the honeymoon phase and learning to live together and love together and to CHANGE TOGETHER is tough, and it's important, and it takes some time. (I imagine especially if you're young)

What do you think? How long did you wait after marriage to have kids?

Moms Expertise
    I think, as you said, it depends on a lot of factors. It's just not realistic, if you want 10 kids, to wait around to have number one for one thing. If you'd rather have kids spaced out, this can also be something where one would want to start earlier, rather than later.

    For me, we've been married just under 5 years and are just about to have our first kid. Wasn't my ideal or my plan, but that's how it is. Hubby, at least before Avery was concieved, wanted to wait another 3 years. That to me was unacceptable, as I do want to have multiple kids spaced out over time. We talked about it, and worked it out, and are just way excited to welcome Avery into our family- and to actually BE a family, and not just a couple.
      We were not married before kids. We were dating and i found out i was pregnant with haiden. After i gave birth and we were in our apartemenr he proposed to me. But before i gave birth we picked out our rings. We married in october 2009 when haiden was 1.5years old.
        We got pregnant first then got married. But I think it would be better to enjoy being married. Even though I love being a mom, I wish there were times where I can just spend all day in bed with my husband doing nothing but cuddling and talking lol. But I made the decision of having a baby since I really wanted kids. We try and spend as much time together as we can. It's gonna be a little rough just until the kids get a little older and that's fine. Our relationship can handle rough patches :)
          Amanda Hurley
          We dove right in, but I already had 1 child from another relationship.
            Well said! I agree with you, it is a myriad of factors.
            Your dad and I were together for 4 years before you came along. Even then , as wonderful as it was to have a baby, there is definitely an adjustment phase within the marriage.
            I do believe that a couple should be together for a while to experience each other , tolerate each other, and push one another's buttons. You learn a lot about what makes your partner tick. You need to know these things prior to bringing a child into it and then deciding that you are truly not getting along as you thought you would. It would not be fair to the child.
            About Cassaundra Owens
            Birth: February 13
            On Moms.com since: Oct 11, 2013
            I'm a little strange, pretty green, and learning to live life as a wife, future mother, and entrepreneur. Right now, my husband and I are trying for our first after 3.5 years of infertility and 2 losses. Viva la adventure! Join me too at MortalMommy.com!