I see all of these babies, so happy and healthy, and my heart hurts. Connor used to smile and talk to me every day. He still plays, but he rarely ever smiles anymore. I don't even think he remembers me. He's so miserable. I hate it. I just want him home. I don't want to remember him with all of these wires, tubes and machines. I am so scared I'm going to lose him. I thought I had cried all of the tears I could. Nope. I've been crying all day. I can't stop. I just hate this. We were so close. One week and we would have been down there. Now my whole world is crashing in on me. I feel like I am drowning. I hate to be such a downer, but I keep thinking and feeling like I am going to lose him.