Frustrated (This is a long one, but I'm ready to give up)

Frustrated:

I don’t know where to begin or where to start… I’m so frustrated!!! I have talked, I have gotten mad, I have yelled, I have walked away, I have even gone out side and drank a glass of “RELAX” wine. Nothing seems to be helping!

My husband works and I stay home with our son. I work for a construction company 2 days a week but I can bring my son with me. (Which is AWESOME) my problem is that I do ALL the cooking, cleaning, laundry, yard work, and everything to take care of our son. My husband works M-F so he pays the majority of the bills. I buy groceries and all the food, formula, and clothes and anything else he may need. My husband has paid all the hospital bills with his flex account from work. SO my problem is since my husband works all day he doesn’t thing he needs to do anything around the house. NOTHING!!!!! I have to ask him the empty the dishwasher, and do you think he can put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher with out being asked? NO! OF COURSE NOT!!! I have to ask him to do any thing around the house. Also tonight he was feeding our son pizza!!! He is only 4 months old and yes we have to okay from the DR to give him BABY food. Not pizza!!! I have asked, told, yelled, at my husband to not give him that stuff (Adult foods, like yogurt, bacon, foods with spices, or anything that could make him sick from the spices or just being something other then his baby cereal and baby foods.) He can’t even clean a bottle after being asked. He just takes the top off and puts it in the sink. The only reason he made supper tonight was because I told him I was going to get pizza. Also he has a bunch of guys over on Saturday night, (Owen and I were out of town for the weekend) and we came home to a trashed house. Couldn’t I walk in the door and just have the house be as clean as I left it? With out dishes every where and blankets and pillows STILL on the floor?!?!?!? NO it was all there on Tuesday for me to clean up and deal with when I got home from a whole day of Flying and driving home from Texas. Its just getting crazy. Before we moved in to our new house he was a fanatic about keeping the house clean. He put his shoes away, didn’t leave laundry on the floor and cleaned up the kitchen.

He is getting so bad that he didn’t get or do anything for my first Mother’s Day. My feelings were so hurt and he didn’t even care. When he knew how big of a deal it was to me.

What do I do??? I am so frustrated nothing works! I am to the point where I just want to throw my hand up in the air and pack a bag take our son and go live with my parents (which I have not done since I was 19). I don’t know what to do! I know he loves us but loving us and helping us are two totally different things.

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    05/21/14
    Dulcinea Hubbard
    I understand completely my husband is the same way. he doesn't pick up after him or helps around the house and yes some times he has giving the wrong food to my baby and of course I yelled at him. What realize with him is that he doesn't have the know how to do certain thing with our kids .. So I have to explain to him why its important to know what to feed an infant. He pays all the bills even though I work from home for a little bit. I know what my job is ,he makes most of the money and I take care of the house, the kids, groceries etc. to keep the family fed and a clean place and keep him happy to continue to provide for us. His job is to make money for the family and I am the housekeeping and a mother and a wife. When he comes home he helps with the kids which is his duty as a Father, I don't enforce on him to clean the house or help around as that is my job. If I don't want to do the housekeeping etc.. I can go find a full time job and help pay for everything he pay for 50/50 that means he gets to also help around the house since I am bringing money home. but I decide to stay with my kids so I don't have to put them in daycare.
    1
      05/21/14
      I think what is happening here is that he still doesn't realize the great responsibility that entails being a parent, you need their support, men are so slow to realize, but we have to take action and find a solution. Relax, organizes your ideas and talk to, let him know you feel hurt by how it behaves, you guys are a team! He have to do his part too, speak peacefully with him. I wish you good luck, this I tell you from experience, I have gone through that and things are improving much. I can say that the patience and love is the basis.
      1
        05/21/14
        I am so sorry your frustrated. You honestly have every right to be. One thing our Mothers tell us (and we always forget) is that Men CAN NOT read our minds. We HAVE to tell our husbands when we are upset and why. Other wise, they are completely oblivious to it. I too felt like my Husband didn't take our son today till I was fit to be tied and needed a break (crying, screaming and calling for him to take our son was his cue). I hope you'll have the chance to calmly and rationally tell him your thoughts. Pulling for you!
        1
          05/21/14
          Melissa Middleton
          Oh, wow. It definitely sounds as though you are underappreciated, MollyMae (beautiful name, btw). I would sit down and explain to him how you feel. You should not be taken advantage of that way. And, yes, a for month old should ONLY eat baby food.
          The best way, besides couple's counseling, is to sit down and calmly explain how you feel and how he makes you feel. If he knows you may leave because of his actions, it may make him "wake up." You are not a door mat.
          If not those other two options...if they won't work, writing a letter would be the next third option. I hope it all gets better. A big hug to you, hun. :)
          1
            05/21/14
            I am so sorry you are going through this. In a way, I know what you are going through. My hubby would help out with doing the dishes, vacuuming, those types of things when I was pregnant. When I had Ashley, and we moved, everything changed. It's like he did a complete 360 and didn't care anymore.

            Best thing maybe is trying to sit down with him after you put down Owen for bed and explain to him how you feel and need some help around the house.
            1
              05/21/14
              Good Morning... as I was cleaning the house this morning... I was thinking do I have the right to be mad at him for not doing anything around the house? And I really thought about it and I have decided Yes I do. Long as we have lived together we have had this same agreement that he works I would work when possible and he would pay the majority of the bills he has always help with things. About three years ago he slowly stopped helping doing things around the house then last year I said to do everything cooking cleaning laundry yardwork you name it I did it he would come home from work yes I know he's tired but still I need help and now that we have: it's even worse he won't even take the garbage out. We are going to have a talk tonight he does not know about it but it's going to happen I can't do this anymore it's so frustrating. Thank you for all the support I will keep you girls updated on how things are going.
              3
                05/21/14
                Dulcinea Hubbard
                something change 3 years ago, may be you can find out what happened that made him change and help him fix it.
                0
                  05/22/14
                  OK so I have told him several times that he doesn't do anything around the house. I'm not sure if it got threw to him or not. I am going to the Dr. today to talk to her about a few things, also to see if I maybe have developed PPD... :( I have a lot of the symptoms and think that I maybe could be blowing things way out of proportion... After the Dr and we see what's going on I will tell my husband what's going on... I know he loves me and all that he comes in and wakes me up every morning and kisses me good bye before he goes to work. SO we STILL need to have a big talk but I just wanted to keep you girls updated and THANK YOU ALL for all you love and support and advice that is very much needed.
                  3
                    05/22/14
                    Dulcinea Hubbard
                    Do you go to a therapist to help you out with your life situations? maybe you want to check this one out the website is www.scientology.org they have marriage counseling to help you guys out, and they don't prescribe drugs or label what you have. They save my life and my marriage. Good luck
                    0
                      05/25/14
                      New update... It was hard for me but I went to the Dr. she says I have PPD that's why nothing seems to be going well right now and that NO I am not broken. That things will get better. So she prescribed me some meds to help with the depression. Ryan and I talked and are still talking about stuff. We know we need to be nicer to each other and compliment each other more. We really really need to work on us. He is helping around the house and helping more with Owen and I am trying to be more relaxed about how he takes care of Owen. Its not wrong its just his way, and really I should not have completely lost it when he gave him a little bite of pizza crust. So things are and will continue to get better as long as we keep talking to each other.

                      Thanks for ALL your support it really helped and means a lot. :)
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                      About MollyMae
                      Current: Forest Lake, Minnesota
                      Birth: December 19
                      On Moms.com since: Apr 8, 2014
                      I am currently a SAHM I work for a construction company 2 days a week but get to bring my son with me so that's wonderful. We enjoy being outside, four wheeling, boating, jet skiing. My husband and I have been married since 10/2013. Love being a momma!!!