Do mommies with more kids treat you differently?
This all stemmed from an article I read earlier about postpartum depression (fantastic article check it out here https://moms.com/post/280404/article-what-postpar…)
That got me thinking about not only how society feels we should be in the weeks and months postpartum, but more specifically how other moms feel we should be.
I am a lucky mom. I get to stay home with my boy, work very few hours because I want to, not because I have to. My boy's father is incredible with him, with me, with the dog. I have a nice home. We have very little debt (aside from the mortgage, gah). Charlie's dad works all day long, is on call 24/7 and has one weekend off per month. Still, at 3am if Charlie is crying he will get up. Still, if he gets called out for work at 4am, works all day and comes home to a nagging girlfriend who needs a bath, he sits with his son and keeps him occupied. I am a lucky woman.
No, I am not bragging. I want you to understand my life because I want to know if it makes you feel differently about me as a mom.
Does the fact that my struggles in life came pre-mommyhood mean they were easier?
Does the fact that my son has no major health issues, never had collic, has slept through the night since 2 months old, and is generally an "easy baby" mean that I don't know the fears and struggles of other moms?
Because I'll be honest, I think those things make moms look at me differently. I feel like moms with more kids than me treat me differently. I feel like becoming a mom later in life makes other moms look at me like it's easier. I didn't struggle with a family at 20, no. When I was pregnant, and even now, the comment that made my skin crawl was "oh just wait until _____ ." I will get there, the same as you did.
That being said, I think that moms relate to people based more on where we're at. I have mommy friends that have been mommies for 20 years, but I do not relate to them at all.
It is my hope that all moms will understand that ALL moms have it hard. My life situation is different than yours... so what? Should I look at you differently because you had kids before you were "ready"?
I'm posting this because I think that we're all aware that mommy wars exist, but I don't think some moms understand that "you just wait until" and "well at least you don't have to deal with" and "oh you should see MY medical bills" DO in fact contribute to mommy wars.
So.. a challenge to first time and veteran moms. Stop trying to one-up each other. It's hard for all of us. Help me figure out how to keep my boy calm when he's cranky and I'm *almost* done shopping, and I'll help you with the latest gadgets.
Bless each of you mama's. We truly are in this together.