Jasmine's Behavior

I know that she is grieving. I guess the past month in school has been absolutely horrible. She is stealing, and lying and being absolutely defiant. I grounded her yesterday from all electronics; computer, phone and tv. Well, this morning, she walked her happy butt out to the bus stop at 7 am instead of 8. I got a phone call from the school stating that I was irresponsible as a parent and that they were notifiying CPS to tell them that my child was put into a dangerous situation. I am livid. I was SLEEPING. I had no idea that she had left the house. When she gets home today, I am making her sit on her bed with NOTHING to do. Any suggestions on how I can nip this behavior? I spend as much time as possible with her. I just am at my wits end.

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Amanda HurleyFlat Rock, Michigan
    05/22/14
    4Katie
    I highly recommend seeing a therapist for how to handle this type of behavior, especially considering your family's huge loss. Behaviors like this are usually a cry for attention or help. I am not sure that punishment is the best way to deal with it in your unique situation. Can you talk to the guidance counselor at her school for advice or a school psychologist, they should be able to help you for free? The hospital where Connor was admitted probably has some sort of program to help grieving families as well.
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    05/22/14
    Amanda Hurley
    She is in therapy, and has an appointment on Tuesday. It's just getting worst and worst. She needs to understand that she will lose her mommy and daddy and sister and brother if this continues. This is the second time she has gone to the bus stop early.
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    05/22/14
    4Katie
    Try not to worry about CPS too much. Hopefully they will be understanding of your situation and offer resources and support.
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      05/22/14
      Comment deleted
      05/22/14
      Amanda Hurley
      The other thing is that we are now wondering if she purposefully injured her ankle. We just don't know what to do. I almost want to ignore the behavior, and just love on her tonight. I really just don't know what to do.
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      05/22/14
      4Katie
      I think you should love on her. Give her as much love as possible. Talk to her about why what she did was dangerous, but I wouldn't punish her.
      2
        05/22/14
        I agree that counseling would be good for her. The grieving process is hard enough as an adult to go through I can't imagine what it must be like as a kid. Not to mention some kids just push rules and boundaries harder than other kids do.
        Maybe even give her a day that is all about her. Make the whole day about only her. Sometimes when you go through something this difficult your attention is forced other places (and it needs to be and should be) but kids don't grasp that but don't know how to ask for the attention they need.
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          05/22/14
          Let me just start off by saying i am terribly sorry for your loss. Before i was born my parents had three daughters until one past away of sids and my mother became really depressed. then she had me and my little sister to try and fill the void but it didnt work. she turned to alcohol and drank every day until my dad left her and then we were taken from her. after a couple years she got into an accident and was on pain meds and started to abuse them. because of all my mothers drama i started to see a concealer at a young age and i must say i loved it i didnt want to go at first but when i did i was able to talk about everything going on in my life how hurt i was at things at home and the pain i was feeling.
          i think that any child or adult that has gone through a traumatic situation should see someone atleast once just to get it out let the pain and sarrow out keeping it all in isnt good. i know youve probably been there for her as much as you can and have talked with her about it all but sometimes its hard to talk to the ones closest to us.
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            05/22/14
            i was acting out a lot when i was young getting in trouble left and right just barely staying out of the cops hands my dad didnt know what to do after a while so he had a cop stop by and hand cuff me put me in the back of his car and pretty much gave me a taste of whar could happen if i didnt straiten up. maybe if you have a talk with her and she still doesnt straiten up stage a little act to give her a little taste of what could happen.
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              05/22/14
              Melissa Middleton
              I am not trying to tell you what to do because I have no idea where you are coming from. However, this seems like a cry for help from her. I believe she may be doing it for attention. Punishing her would not be the correct way to handle this--it could only make matters worse. Have you sat down and discussed this with her? How she feels? I would suggest a family meeting on what happened this past month, if you haven't already, to allow everyone to get their feelings out. It may help her get her frustration out for what occurred. It seems like she is hurting and she doesn't know how to make it stop or go away or how to handle it. Hug her, hold her, cry with her.
              Adults can handle their emotions far better than children can.
              Tragedies like this affect so many, and it is more difficult on a child t o cope with such loss (though it is hard on everyone).

              I am so sorry for what happened, even though you've heard it many a times. My heart still aches for you all. (Hugs for your family from Virginia).
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              05/22/14
              Amanda Hurley
              I sat her down, explained the dangers of her actions. I found out that she hurt her ankle on purpose this last time. We cried together. Right now, we have the neighbor girl over watching her, so I allowed Jasmine to go play. Hopefully her therapist, who is also a childrens grief counselor, will have some ideas on Tuesday.
              3
              05/23/14
              Melissa Middleton
              I hope the counselor will as well.
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                05/23/14
                8Theresa Gould
                Amanda Hurley, is she talking at all about Connor being gone? If you aren't already, I think it would be good for you to talk about Connor with Jasmine (even cry together). One of the mistakes I made was I didn't talk much about Matthew when we lost him, I couldn't because my own grief was so great and I didn't want to cry in front of with my children. My then 7 year old internalized a lot of stuff I didn't know she was trying to deal with until the last year or so . :( I hope her counseling session helps.
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                05/23/14
                Amanda Hurley
                We do mention Connor's loss quite a bit. We both snuggle up at night with one of his blankets that we have. I do try.
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                  05/23/14
                  my son has had similar problems but he is on the other end of getting attention. He gets angry and when he does it worse. Yesterday some kids was picking oh my son saying your not my friend no more, he asked the kids to stop and well things got worse when he started running and when asked to go back and re walk the path he got mouthy and then tried to hit a teacher. Today he was in the principals office he would not pick up papers he threw on the floor and he said he couldn't do the homework that he didn't understand he asked for help, the principle said figure it out your self and then my son got more mad and refused to do things. I was called from school. I today am grounding him all day and not turning on any tv either mostly just making sure he is doing the right things
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                    05/25/14
                    I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I know when I worked at the hospital, often for children because they didn't know ALL the words to express their emotions we often had them draw. It was a great way for them to show how they were feeling. Often we would ask open ended questions like do you want to draw how it felt when (situation) happened. When they were finished we would ask questions like what is this and what does this mean and they could tell us in their own words.
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                    About Amanda Hurley
                    Current: Flat Rock, Michigan
                    Birth: October 04
                    On Moms.com since: Sep 20, 2013
                    I am a 28 year old SAHM of four children. Mr. Connor is my son. I am looking for some additional help for a permanent grave marker. If you would like to help with expenses or would like to send a card, please inbox me for an address and details. Thank you