ERMAGERD!!!! yes I did just say that.

I went and picked Big Mike up for work this morning and the jail gave me my cut of his check, after paying the rent, part of the cable bill, a couple necessities, and filling up with gas I have just enough to get him back and forth to work until his next check is given to me. So I come home, and call the cable company to tell them I just sent them almost $200 would they please turn my stuff back on...their reply "you have to send us the whole balance of 326.57 before we can turn it back on" I just about went off. Then I get off the phone with them and get a text is verizon "your fifty dollar monthly bundle expires at midnight please add money to your account." So now I will have to sit in my house phoneless, tvless, boucing of public wi-fi, by myself terrified that my neighbor is going to come try to break in drunk again. It just doesn't seem to be working this year last winter went so smooth and easy, and this year I'm about ready to tell him to give up on work release, and store everything we own in his moms basement til he gets out and I'll go to ny and stay at my moms til he get out. Its only been two weeks and I've pretty much reached my breaking point. But I'm afraid if I do give up then I'm going to feel like I let him down like I failed. So frustrated.

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5sarah New Bern, North Carolina
    11/19/13
    Comment deleted
    11/19/13
    5sarah
    not really, pa just took assistance cut backs.
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      11/19/13
      Tessa
      I would if it would make it easier on you and your child. And one person can't handle everything. I'm a very independent person but having kids and living with a fibromyalgia I've learn to just ask for help. Sometimes you have too and the people you love won't look at you any different
      1
      11/19/13
      5sarah
      I know that, its not a will he think I let him down because he won't he completely understands. Its a in my head thats what I'm gonna tell myself.
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        11/19/13
        Tessa
        Just tell yourself it's ok not to do everything by yourself all the time. Everyone needs help at some point.
        1
        11/19/13
        5sarah
        Thanks.
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          11/19/13
          Oh Man.. .There comes a point when we give so much of ourselves that we become broken.. and then we're not good to anyone...

          I understand wanting to hold it all together for him... totally get that.. But perhaps you're at a point where "holding it all together" is making things worse, not better. Sometimes strength is walking away with your tail between your legs and then rising up again...

          I think you should go to NY and fight to get some life back, financial security and then begin again...

          Good luck!
          1
          11/19/13
          5sarah
          and its not like I'm trying to leave him all together, just until he can come home again
          0
          About sarah
          Born: Westfield, New York
          Current: New Bern, North Carolina
          Birth: April 30
          On Moms.com since: Oct 30, 2013
          I am 21 and have one child of my own plus my step kids.