I need some advice. I have a dilemma and I am not sure how to handle it. I have a friend who has a drinking problem and for the last two years while she lived with her boyfriend things were good and she was rarely drinking if at all. Then a few months ago they were having some troubles and she moved back to her parents and fell off the wagon. Recently she just moved back with her boyfriend and his dad. Last week sometime she came over to hang out with me and the kids. Her boyfriend told her he didn't mind if she had a couple beers (he almost never lets her drink) as long as she didn't try to hide it or lie to him about it. She was doing very well and only had two all day and was pacing herself. We had the kids so obviously there was no intention to get drunk or out of hand. Later on around dinner time her boyfriend got home and they got into a fight and her and her son were left at my house. Her boyfriend took off and turned his phone off. She lost it and started drinking everything in site. It was an awkward situation for us because we had no idea what to do. The next day I sat down and talked to her about it and expressed our concern for her and how she didn't want to go back to the way things were before. I told her that she did not want that for her son and that the reason her boyfriend almost never lets her drink is for the same reason. She said she completely understood and that was that. I even went as far as tossing the rest of the liquor in our house (that I wasn't drinking anyway) and telling her I drank the rest of it so there wouldn't be anymore temptation when she came over. The other night her boyfriend sat down and talked to me like a mature adult (which is a little rare for him) and told me how he appreciates that me and his girl are friends and how she needs a friend like me. He said that if she drinks just to watch and make sure she doesn't get out of hand because it happens quick (as I have seen). He agreed that I wasn't forcing her to drink and that in fact it was more likely the other way around and that she is a grown woman that makes her own decisions. I told him that I am not a big drinker myself and I could really care less about drinking when we hang out. I have enough fun with her without alcohol. He totally didn't blame me for what happened and handled things like an adult. However somehow in all of this I am still the bad guy. Her boyfriends dad is all pissed off at me and acting like a child. He doesn't want me over their house or to look at or talk to him (did I mention that we live across the street from each other?). I am now his "enemy". The other night when we were all hanging out, my friend and her boyfriend ran to the store and I ran in to check on the kids who were in bed, when I came back outside he had called my fiance over and proceeded to talk trash to him about me. Telling my fiance that I am stupid and irresponsible and what not. Then my friend and her boy friend came back. She went to go check on their son and that's when her boyfriend and I had our little conversation. He told me that he thinks its ridiculous and completely out of place for his dad to be involved in this and he is making things harder for them by being in their business and trying to meddle in their relationship. I personally don't know how to handle all of this. She is my only friend at the moment and she feels like everyone is trying to control her life. It puts me in an awkward position because she is 32 and I am not her mother. How am I supposed to tell her what she can and cant do? I tried to sit down and talk with her mother to mother and woman to woman and most importantly as her friend. And obviously her boyfriend sees things that way too. So what do I do now? Am I wrong in this situation? How do I prevent this from repeating itself? And what do I do about the childish old man?
We are not in high school anymore.
Just be her friend. She obviously has a problem with alcohol so don't have it around. You said you don't need it either so there's no reason she needs to drink when she's around you. I don't think everyone's trying to control her life, if she has kids they probably just don't want to see those kids without a mom.
Whether it's alcohol, or drugs, or heck even food or something less "scary", addictions are there to replace something we're lacking. Maybe having a friend like you around that doesn't have a need for alcohol will be good for her. With some time she can see that she'll be okay without it.
It reminds me of candy. Y'know those families that keep candy away from their kids, and those kids are all insane around Halloween? But then there are those families that don't make it a big deal and have kids that are sharing their candy with other kids because it's just not a big deal. It's kind of the same thing. If you don't make it a huge deal, it won't be such a big deal :)