If One More Person Calls Me A "Single Mom"...

Let me say this, first: Just because my husband is gone for months at a time, does not by any means make me a single mom (no offense to single moms, I'm not trying to bash you). I've had so many people, when they ask where my husband is or why it's always just me and Nina going out places since my husband is asleep or at work, say, "Oh...so you might as well be a single mom."

NO.
Why would you think that? Just because my husband's not home a lot of the time doesn't mean he doesn't contribute. He plays with our daughter all the time, he feeds her or changes or bathes her if I ask him to help me out. He works as hard as he does so that one of us can always be home to be with our daughter, so that we don't have to hear about important moments we missed from a babysitter, or trusting a daycare (which, frankly, neither of us do!).

Even when he first left for Boot Camp, and then A and C school, people would say that I "might as well be a single mother"...that being a stay at home mom wasn't actually a thing that I should admit to being. Am I supposed to be ashamed? Am I supposed to feel horrible for wanting to be home with my baby? There have always also been those people, mostly younger (and by younger, I mean...ladies in their 30s-40s ish) who say I'm a terrible wife for letting my husband be the "breadwinner", the only one who brings home any financial means. That I'm helping to set women back to a time that they've fought to get out of. When I tell them that I stay at home because he specifically asked me to, and about the not having to rely on expensive daycare/babysitters/missing moments, they say that he must not think very highly of me or have an old fashioned view where the woman has to stay home and cook and clean and whatnot...what's WITH people? Why is everyone so judgmental of what we chose to do with our life? If my husband thought so little of me, he wouldn't want me home alone with our only child all day. He wouldn't have joined the goddamned Navy to support us just so that Nina could always have a parent nearby to love and support her. He wouldn't go out on his ship for almost a YEAR away from us.

Long story short, if one more person judges my husband or myself on our choices that don't affect them one iota, choices that don't harm our child, or anyone else, I will deck them in the face.

02
    06/07/14
    I know how you feel! People can be very judgmental, I have a lot of people say the same to me too. My hunny is always busy and works hard too.
    0
      06/07/14
      Are you sure they aren't just being empathetic? I mean I don't know, I'm not there to judge tone of course.

      Oh and for those who have anything to say about him being the breadwinner, it's seriously none of their business. None. They are rude to even comment on it. I hope you don't mind saying something to them about the rude comments. Most people get pretty shocked when you call them out on rude behavior because they generally don't get called out for it. You can really have fun with that.
      0
      06/07/14
      I used to be too shy to call people out on rudeness, and none of their tones were empathetic or sympathetic. It's always the "I feel sorry for you" or flat out condescending tones. Something about pregnancy changed me to the point that if you're rude I'll instantly call you on it, lol...I was fed up with it, though. It's the hint in their tone and words that they think my husband does nothing, or that we've done something wrong, or that I should be felt sorry for/pitied. Most of those ladies were working moms, too...my mom says that they're probably just jealous, but even if so, there's no call for saying such things to someone.
      1
      About Morgan
      Current: Norfolk, Virginia
      Birth: July 17
      On Moms.com since: Apr 1, 2014
      I'm a SAHM and a Navy Wife. My little family is my life, and I enjoy reading and online gaming. I like to help out where I can, and I just want to live life happily.