To stay or go

Lying constantly. Ii can't even trust them with their little brother inside if I'm outside working on stuff. Yes they go to counseling, we go to church. My oldest is very manipulative, great at telling u what u want to hear. 13 yo, is not biologically my husbands, but he's raised him since he was an infant. He lies constantly!! And over the littlest things. And lazy, Very sneaky. 8 yo, same thing, lies a lot, manipulative, obnoxious. he's very ADHD,and has mild FAS, but he's very smart and my husband lets him get away with murder. He's very much a drama queen, is hot tempered. My husband and his x are handicapping him by the way they treat him. He's almost 9 and can't tie his own shoes, the little chores he has are a joke. He's mouthy, his table manners are atrocious, I stay on him constantly and my husband gets angry, tells me I have it out for the youngest. That is not the case. I've been in the picture for 4 yrs, the damage to all 3 of them was done before I came along. Your job as a parent is to guide your children, help them prepare for a life as an adult, teach them values, so that when they leave this house, they are responsible, know cause and affect and accept the consequences of all decisions. I am at my wits end. I've gotten to the point, I just avoid them. Hide in my bedroom. I'm tired of fighting with them, tired of fighting with my husband over them. I naively thought 3 yrs of steady guidance and nurturing would miraculously turn them into super kids or something. Idk. I'm ready to call it quits. I hate that for our 1 yo, but I'll be damned if he's going to turn out like these 3 if I can help it. The stress is physically taking a toll on me and it's not fair to myself or my son that I'm always in a bad mood

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    we have a heart to heart, things may get better for a few days, but there's no consistency. I grew up military. I cannot function without structure, routine. My husband works out of state and when he comes home, it's mass chaos. He feels guilty for being gone a month, over compensates with materialistic crap, my kids have no respect for other ppl's property, little lone their own. He makes them earn nothing. We r not on the same page, same book, not even the same library as far as parenting goes. And the egg donors?? Complete jokes. Who let's the stepmom raise their kid because it interferes with their men and their lil nest egg. Doesn't even call and check on them. He will NOT to go to therapy. I have begged. He's not going to pay for someone to tell him that screwed up somewhere along the line and he has any fault in the way they are turning out. That stems from habits that should've been addressed when they were littler. My thing is, one day I'm going to snap and it's going to be bad. Last wk, was fighting with the 8yo to eat his breakfast and take his ADHD meds. Brat slung them off the table towards me and I saw red. Didn't think, just reacted and dunked his head in his lucky charms.
    About Jessie
    Born: Saint Francisville, Louisiana
    Current: Zachary, Louisiana
    Birth: June 26
    On since: Feb 2, 2014
    Married w/ 3 step kids that I raise. I thought being a stay-at-home mom would be great, but I'm going crazy.
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