heart strings tugged-- vent

When I met my love almost three years ago he had recently gone through a tragic time loosing the mother of his handsome son. His son, our son, is turning 5 this year. I have watched him grow, learn, live. he wasn't but 1.5yrs old when his biological mother passed away, too young to actually remember. However, if that was my child i would still want them to know about me, so I talk to him about his other mother regularly. He knows he has a birth mother who carried him in her belly, and he has me. Last year we gave birth to a beautiful baby girl bringing our family to a family of 4. However our son has an older sister, that until the mother passed away had never known her biological father, now she lives with him. This past year we started getting her for school breaks and now for the whole summer. We love her so much and she is a part of our family. We dont use the word step mom or step kids in the house because to us thats not the case. The two older kids almost 8 and almost 5 just know that they are blessed to have more than one mom.

The problem that we are having now is that the older daughter asks me everyday if she can live with us. She says she never wants to go back to her daddy. Everyday i have to explain to her why we cant let her live here and how much her daddy would miss her too. It is heartbreaking having to tell her and her brother why she cant live with us and then listening to them cry and seeing the sad look in their eyes. Its not a situation where we believe she is being mistreated in anyway, i think its more being around her brother and of course little sister and a mother figure. Her wanting to stay with us is partially why until this past year her dad wasnt letting us have her any so its not like i can say anything to him. plus how would you even bring that up? She has some problems in school but when she stays with us and then goes back to school her dad tells us she does a lot better atleast for a little while.

I think my heart just has some strings being tugged when she talks about staying with us and there isnt anything i can do. thanks for reading my vent lol.

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    06/09/14
    Aw Tamara.. it sounds like you are doing what any good Mom would do.. it just sounds like a hard and emotional position for everyone.. I am sure she loves being surrounded by a complete family when she comes to stay with you.. perhaps that is why she is expressing her want to stay.. but I am sure she has a loving home with her Dad.. but if it's just Dad and her.. at her young age, it's totally understandable why she wants to stay with you all.. as much as it pains you.. I would continue to express to her that her Dad would miss her.. and she has to spend time with him to. As she gets older, if the feelings would stay the same or only grow stronger to live with you all.. she can definitely pursue that through the legal system.. my Dad is a retired Judge, so he often met with children to chat about why they wanted to stay where so badly, etc.. anyways.. that's a ways down the line.. but just thought I would mention it.. should she keep expressing her want to stay!
    1
    06/09/14
    It is a hard situation thats very true. Her dad does what he can for her, and like you said she sees how much more "complete" our family is then when she is at home. I continue to explain to her that no matter what we are always here for her and she is and always will be our family, but that her daddy loves her and would miss her too much if she wasnt living with him anymore. Its just hard to explain to children and see the sadness in their eyes. Its been more emotional this summer than over winter break and it takes a toll on us all i suppose. thanks for the feedback i appreciate it.
    0
      06/12/14
      Thanks Ladies, it is a tough situation all the way around and as you guys say we are just taking it day by day. The daddy knows she wants to live with us apparently shes brought it up to him too which i think is why he has been letting us have her more and more as far as longer periods of time. it went from one afternoon to a weekend so much that now its all summer. Its good to get things out in the open sometimes just talking about it out loud even if to yourself helps too so thanks!
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      About Tamara
      Current: Greenbrier, Tennessee
      Birth: December 10
      On Moms.com since: Mar 25, 2014
      currently a sahm looking for part time work. I love my children and being able to stay home with them and watch them grow. We enjoy play-dates at the park or in home. Love to be outside. My children are very hyper and super friendly and constantly learning