Big discussion

So my husband and I finally had the big discussion we've been deferring for - oh, probably a year now. We talked about a possible baby #4. I told him that this is the last year I will consider getting pregnant as I'm 38, so it's now or never. He can't change his mind in a year or two as I personally don't want a kid in my 40s. It was a really good and open discussion, we talked about our fears and hopes, and whatever we decide to do, it made me feel closer to my husband that we can share these kind of things openly. The scary part for me is that I now can tell that if I really want it, he will go along with me. He trusts my judgment a lot in family (and other) matters. So having the decision up to me is very hard. Truthfully, my head says no (it's too tiring, too expensive, will the older kids get enough attention, life is finally coming back to normal a bit for us, etc) but my heart, oh my heart, it just feels like there is one more baby waiting to come to us. Sigh...

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4Rina
    06/10/14
    Comment deleted
    06/10/14
    4Rina
    Do you find you have enough time, though, to give each of the kids attention. I think siblings are an amazing gift to give our kids, but I also believe they do need some undivided attention as well.
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      06/10/14
      Beth
      Maybe leave it up to fate? Stop preventing, but don't actively try... and if it happens it happens and YAY! and if it doesn't, then you can be happy with your 3 and your life as you know it now :)
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      06/10/14
      4Rina
      Oh, that's what I would do anyway. After 3 healthy kids, I'm not going to be trying any kind of interventions. Frankly, if we stop preventing and I don't get pregnant, then that will be a sign to me that it just wasn't meant to be. But, if we stop preventing, I have to be willing to deal with the consequences - both wonderful and difficult - of having another child.
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        06/10/14
        4Rina
        It's interesting that lots of people mention pros and cons lists. That would normally be so up my alley - I'm so organized and anal that way. But, I feel like having a child is a leap of faith. If you make pros and cons, it will rarely land on the side of "pros", especially once you already have one or two children. After all, every child is a roll of the dice - will they be healthy, happy, etc. So while you can't ignore the practical cons, I don't think a pros and cons list in this case would help me. The practical answer would be to not have another child - after all, I already have 3, I have one of each gender, I'm over age 35, etc. It's the emotional side that I can't quite reconcile.
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        About Rina
        Birth: September 08
        On Moms.com since: Dec 16, 2013
        I'm a working mom of 4. My husband, kids and I live in Toronto, Canada. I love to read pretty much anything I can get my hands on, am addicted to chocolate and kissing my kids' necks (they all still let me do it!) and am a bit of a political junkie.