Trouble asking for Help
WARNING: I am a christian and if you have issues reading anything spiritual you may want to look away.
I have a problem with holding in everything from: opinions, thoughts, silent prayers, and yes some grudges. I try to work with my anger, I have come a long way. I used to be a very very Angrylilgirl - A comic strip I created when ten years ago to help with drama in school. I'd get home and sketch it out and tuck it away.
Here lately there has been a lot of built up and silent drama in my household. I'm not going to get much farther than saying that. I kept praying for things to start looking up. I have felt a call with the spirit, but for it to be possible the whole family has to be involved.
The last two years for sure, I will raise my hand and say, I am have not been entirely doing all that I need to be doing spiritually. Past month, my health really started to go down hill, mentally and phycailly - I hit the ground and was on my hands and knees praying. I had a migraine for a week and half straight. (Medicine and tests).
This past Sunday we all woke up wide awake at 7 (REALLY EARLY FOR MY FAMILY) We got breakfast, baths, ready for church. We could have actually made it to Sunday School without fighting and rushing! Instead of going to Sunday School, my husband says, "I think we're going to try a new church today. The one my friend has been inviting us to." I said "Okay, sure." I chose not to take the medicine because it made me drowsy and a bit loopy.
Instead of a piano they had a band, which I personally love. My daughter on the other hand - covers her ears and says, "That is just TOO loud, Mommy had a headache, it's just too too loud!!" I hugged her and told her it would be okay.
Instead of having a Sunday School, the children went back to "Children's Church". At first she cried, because she was being separated from us and her little brothers. My husband squeezed my hand as I fought the migraine. After the service (which was amazing btw) they had a set of missionaries come up to the front of the church. It was different, they were a married couple that called out to people in the room and told them something about what they needed to pray about. The first thing the husband says, stuttering, pacing, almost like he was afraid to speak.. (not word for word) "There is someone here that has been struggling with a headache for a while and God needs to talk with you, if you can please raise your hand." I was waiting for someone else to raise their hand. My husband grabs my arm and puts it up. I was almost shaking, because I hate admitting that I am struggling.
After the service, while everyone was leaving I waited to talk with the couple. They prayed with me, it is crazy, I felt the presence - tingles in my hands. At first the headache just wouldn't go away - it was tiny, but still present. I told them I loved the sermon, and I am struggling, because of the previous churches I've recently attended and from an ex. The woman said that may be where the problem may be coming from, so prayed some more. The headache was gone. I felt SOOO much relief. Before leaving the woman (Who I have never seen before so) Says, "God wants you to start singing again. He says you have a very strong passion for it, you have stopped and got off the road, but wants you to start again." (Once again, not word for word)
Along with the stashed Angrylilgirl comic strips was a notebook filled with pages of poems, songs, stories, dreams... I lost my passion and "voice" after my ex. I have been holding onto a lot of memories that I can't even remember why. I talked with my mom (Who I talk to at least once a week) and told her what happened, the headache was GONE! I also told her what the woman had said. She said, I agree! You lost it and you need to start singing again. As for memories, they will not help anyone else... The crazy bumpy path is set out for a reason they will survive. The memories are only holding you down. As I continue to pray and "LET GO" I will say my marriage has improved more than I knew it could.
I am still working on the asking part. That being said: I have been hoarding not only memories, but items "just in case" I am about to get rid of almost everything that I have been holding on to.
Thank you moms. I hope that you too can "LET GO!" and find peace.
I'll say this...I don't know about much, spiritually. A private school ruined religion for me...but I love that people can have enough faith like this. I've heard too many stories similar to this and elsewise that it does give me hope for something. I'm not sure what, exactly, but it makes it feel like the world isn't that bad, in a way.
My granny is very spiritual in her own ways, and she always insists that Life/God never heaps more on you than you can handle. Sometimes you just have to find the strength to do so, and that may come in part from those around you.
I grew up in a family that "Work, eat, pay taxes, die." No no subjects: health, religion, and politics. I chose to spend one semester at a Baptist College in Texas. I received a scholarship and found it as a spiritual adventure. I met the most amazing people and listened to so many amazing stories. I did loose my voice after leaving or "running away". I moved back where I felt safe and that was with my friends in Kentucky (no family). I ended up meeting my now husband. It was a rough rough road, but once you find the light. It's so worth looking up. :)
I wish you the best.