meltdown city.

Ugh first I lost my stockpiled frozen milk on the move. Then- of course -starting last night, I haven't been pumping enough. So, I've been supplementing with what frozen milk I do have left and then my mom is talking about getting formula. I feel like I have worked so hard to stay away from formula. Then she starts a one sided argument with me about dinner because I didn't speak up about how I was hungry (she's drunk) and I'm just like "ok. Sorry. Sure." But I had also just gotten Seth to sleep ( with the small amount of milk i just pumped) and he was screaming his head off earlier, so it was like please mom shhh. But she woke him up, which just brought on my tears. I Went Upstairs Quickly To Try To Rock Him Back To Sleep Away From Her But It Doesn't Work and I Have To Delve Back Into My miniscule frozen stash. He is back to sleep and she left with Seth's fraternal grandma to go to listen to the band at the bar.
I call my hubby. And start talking to him which turns into hysteria but he calmed me down and reminded me that if I wasn't here for my mom I would regret it even if it doesn't seem like I should be here now.

    When I hear of a mom losing her stockpile, I actually tear up. I'm so sorry. I know how hard that was to make, and it hits me in the stomach to hear of lost milk. I was never able to produce much of a stockpile, though, and I was still able to pump for a year. Are you only pumping, or pumping to feed while you are away?
    About Jasmine
    Current: Eugene, Oregon
    Birth: April 15
    On since: May 3, 2014
    Looking for mommy friends!