How do you stifle the urge to have a baby?

Most of the time, I don't stifle the urge to have a baby... Sometimes though, the feelings associated with not having a baby lead me to stifle the urge a bit in an emotionally protective way. It may not be the smartest option, but it works for me to help cope when I need it. When I feel sad, either at the lack of a baby or about the losses. When I get scared that I'll never have a baby... Sometimes when close friends start talking about their babies or having them. Or when I hear about women who aren't happy with their baby or are complaining about pregnancy (don't get me wrong, I get everybody's situation is different and pregnancy sucks physically and mentally for some people... it's just that “well why do THEY have a baby and not me, then” feeling that crops up sometimes.) That's when I struggle with it most and tend to find reasons why I DON'T want a baby.

So, I start thinking about things that wouldn't work with a baby or things I enjoy without having a baby to take care of, ways it would make my life harder, etc.

I already work a lot and continue to add new projects. That's one thing that gets me through not having a baby yet... On those days I'm working on a blog post on my phone, eating a hot pocket in the bathtub.. Where am I going to find time to have a baby? What projects would I cut? When would I ever get around to doing hobby projects like crocheting? How would I tell the people who depend on me that I just didn't have time? Or would I just not sleep? Not eat? I have to be healthy for baby... Could I concentrate with crying in the background?

And the things I might not have with a baby... Not that I go out much, but the FREEDOM to up and go if a friend wants or needs me... is nice sometimes. Same with going out for food in the middle of the night or taking a drive. Switching up my sleep schedule pretty frequently. Not having to socialize if I don't want to.

The freedom to sacrifice time for more projects, to achieving my goals, to say “I'm busy right now” to the people who want my attention. I can't just look at a newborn who needs me and be like “Mommy's busy right now... How about that diaper change on... Oh, let's say Tuesday. Does that work for you?”

And travel? I do want to travel with my kids... but there will be more involved. I can't just up and say, hey... let's go to country XYZ for six months without knowing a lot more about it, like what's safe to feed baby.

Room... I could turn a room in our future house into a nursery... Or I could have a yoga studio. Or woman cave/writer's lair. Or a lab. Or a wine room, lol. I think being a sommelier sounds sweet, and I have to train somehow. ;) Hubby could have a dojo too.

Speaking of hubby... On those days when it's hard to get him to pick up after himself... It's not hard to think that maybe I can't clean up after all of us all the time, lol, especially while trying to manage everything else.

These reasons that help me stifle the urge to have a baby only last so long, as I always find a way around them and still want the kid. But, they are soothing when I need 'em.

How do you stifle the urge to have a baby?

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Moms Expertise
    06/28/14
    Comment deleted
      I get what you mean. For the longest time I wasn't sure I could have a baby. I was really sad and I moped a lot when I reached my 30s. Stifle the urge? I did the same thing - DISTRACTIONS. I was lucky that my close circle of friends consisted of women who were career oriented and childless. It was nice to talk with the women in my circle who wanted children and who were desperately keeping themselves busy so they could feel good about themselves without children.
      1
        06/28/14
        Comment deleted
          06/29/14
          It is hard to stifle those feelings for some . I always had the urge , always wanted a second child, always looked at the other mothers to be and wondered why not me. It is a very tome consuming and mental overload to ask the why not's all the time. I have finally come to the stage in my life that I know it isn't going to happen for me, but still it does not do away with those longings. I don't think it ever will.
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          About Cassaundra Owens
          Birth: February 13
          On Moms.com since: Oct 11, 2013
          I'm a little strange, pretty green, and learning to live life as a wife, future mother, and entrepreneur. Right now, my husband and I are trying for our first after 3.5 years of infertility and 2 losses. Viva la adventure! Join me too at MortalMommy.com!