How do you know when you're done having babies

Most of my friends are stopping at 2 kids, ideally one of each or when they get their one of each. I would like to have 3 biological kids total, one of each and the third I don't have any preferences.

For those moms who've decided they're done with their baby making days, how did you arrive at that choice/conclusion? Is there an inventory of questions you ask yourself?

One of the gals in my group that I had dinner with said she was done having kids. She gave her daughter's crib away and is now starting to give away other baby furniture.

Erik saids he is done having babies and has been talking about getting snipped. I am not done. How did you ladies negotiate with your SO when one was done and one wasn't? Before we got serious I already told him my desire to have 3 biological kids total. I would think he should honor that.

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    07/05/14
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      07/05/14
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        diane
        After having baby #2 and coming home from the hospital, even with all the colic, I knew I wasn't done. I was constantly looking for another child and I was literally going insane looking for a child that didn't exist (yet). As soon as I knew I was pregnant with baby #3 I felt complete. Now that baby #3 is a week shy of 9mo and I've seen lots of other pregnant women I've decided I do want another child. My husband has repeatedly stated he is done having children and will be getting a vasectomy. I was able to convince him to wait with the procedure while I was pregnant with baby #3 by saying 'lets know for sure we are done. lets make sure this baby survives because I am NOT going to go through life always looking for another child. IVF is super expensive and not covered by insurance so lets just make sure we are done" We had this conversation three or four times and needless to say he has waited. He is currently waiting to return the call back to the receptionist scheduling vasectomies. Since I want another child I'm not 'pushing' that he get right on top of this. Oh and I have had three miscarriages and that is why I insisted on waiting in the first place.
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        07/06/14
        I have 4 some weeks left before my due date. I know I want baby # 2 shortly after. I guess it depends on our finances and how well I do the first few months, if I experience post partum, etc. I just KNOW for a fact that I will be super pissed if he gets a vasectomy before we have hashed it out. Yes, being pregnant came with some hardships that we both weren't ready for. He has 4 total including our baby girl on the way so I can see how he's done. BUT he knew darn well that I wanted 3 total of my own so we just need to compromise.
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          07/05/14
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            07/05/14
            5Jen
            Okay, so here is my conclusion.....I want to know when I am done, or have the desire to be done but I don't. I can keep going (and probably will) until my body says stop. I kinda envy those that KNOW when they are done because the more we have, the more I want. My husband is of no help, he says we can keep going as long as I want..That said, I accept the fact that mentally I will never be done...psychally, there will come a time to close up shop :,(
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              07/06/14
              diane
              My sister-in-law has five kids and is already trying for baby #6. We, as her family, are trying to get her and her husband to think about the reality of having another child. First their house is already too small for 7 people (everyone shares one bathroom) and two, the cost of having another child as she is now a stay at home mom and he works on a farm. Yes he will always have a job because farm work is never done but farm work is very hard work and one day his body will give out. They don't have any savings and are already using every resource available to help support/raise their kids. Anyway, I know my sister-in-law loves her kids very much and would do anything for them. She loves being a Mommy.
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                07/06/14
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                    07/06/14
                    Brittany
                    I have three children and everyone in my family does not want me to have another but, I am only 22 and I just don't feel like I am ready to make a commitment to having my tubes tied. I am on birth control and I don't want another child right now but, I can't help but think what if when I am 29 and wanting a baby, I didn't want to not have the chance to. I have mixed emotions of this, I love my three and my life feels complete just I am not sure I want to give up my ability to have another later in life....... glad you asked this because I would love to read comments maybe it will help me decide if I am doing the right thing......
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                    07/06/14
                    Birth control methods whether permanent or temporary should always be an individual's choice. As long as your family doesn't pressure you...Always good to listen to you about what you are comfortable with :-)

                    For now, I will be content with using contraception after baby is born until Erik and I figure things out. If I were to get the maternal itch, I'm hoping it won't be sooner than 6 months after delivery. I would like to give my body a break and have a serious heart to heart with Erik about kids and contraception. I just don't want to be in a relationship where I'm resentful that he got snipped and it being a 1 sided decision. That would cause a lot of issues and may end up being the deal breaker in our relationship.
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                      diane
                      Mary Jane, I do hope you and your SO will be able to work things out. I would hate to see a couple break up after having a child only because you couldn't agree on how many kids to have. You can also let him know that you are willing to be on birth control and he can use condoms until you both are ready to have another child. This way you are showing him that you do respect his decision to not have more children right now. If he is willing to do this then he is showing you that he respects your need for time to know if you really do want another child or not. Just because he is ready to be done does not mean you are and he should respect your need for time.

                      You can also tell him vasectomies are not 100% effective. There are lots of stories of people who are surprise pregnant after a vasectomy. (the guy was declared to be 'shooting blanks,' the girl got pregnant, and then after another test the guy is still declared to be 'shooting blanks' and no the girl did not cheat.) A vasectomy also takes time to become an effective birth control method, usually after 3 months it can be reliable, but that isn't always the case. As you can see I've been doing a lot of reading about vasectomies and other similar topics. I also have read about older men having a harder time getting a woman pregnant because his sperm quality and quantity decrease with age. I don't know how old you SO is but that is also something to think about. Yes pregnancy is possible with an elderly man but the reality of that happening is slim. Lots of medications affect a man's ability to get an erection and his desire to 'have fun'. Also for some unknown reason to me a man's ability to produce quality sperm does decrease. I assume this is due to environmental factors and the different elements he is exposed to over the years of his life causing mutations in his DNA (which is why people get cancer, strange growths, and need medication for different illnesses.)

                      I wish you luck in your conversation. I hope you have a beautiful and healthy child. I pray that your SO can understand how you feel.
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                      07/07/14
                      Thank you, Diane. We had the start of our talk last night about this. He said he doesn't wish to go through a pregnancy like this again. Yeah, it's been rough with my bipolar and no supplements. He said the only way he'd agree to having another child with me is if I got on psychotropic medication. I have a bad history with heavy meds as I always end up in the hospital ER for suicidal ideation. Erik knows I have a high intolerance to them. I also don't want any kids struggling with side effects from me having used medications during pregnancy.

                      Erik currently uses a lot of prescription medications due to back/hip and sciatica problems. Kind of a miracle that he is still able to produce kids after so much medical intervention.

                      As for compromise, I'm definitely going on some kind of contraception to show him that I respect our mutual disagreement. Thank you for the info and advice!
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                      About MaryJane
                      Birth: March 25
                      On Moms.com since: Apr 18, 2014
                      Pregnant back to back. I have a baby girl and another on the way. I'm also a pseudo-step mom to 2 tweens.