Some advice from those of you that have had trouble conceiving

My sister in law and I are very close. I am just 6 months younger than her (she is 2.5 years younger than my husband), and we actually knew each other before my husband and I had ever met. She and her husband have 1 child, a 6 year old daughter and have been trying for 5 years to have a second one. The stress on their family and marriage has been high, understandably. And they are super overprotective of their daughter, also understandably.

I guess my question for you is as follows - how much (if anything) can or should I say to my SIL about my thoughts on what they are going through? For example, I see how much she is suffering - physically and mentally - with all the fertility drugs and miscarriages, etc. It's awful. I know it's not my decision, but I feel like maybe she just needs to accept that it won't happen and consider adoption or surrogacy. I once brought up the idea of surrogacy, and she flipped - the idea freaks her out. And as for her daughter, she's a sweet girl but very anxious and nervous and overly (in my opinion) attached to her parents. About this, I've never said anything. Honestly, I know it's not really my business, but I care about them a lot, and I hate to see my SIL, BIL and niece suffer this way. Maybe I'm just being insensitive, though, because I was so lucky to never have had any trouble conceiving and giving birth.

Keep my mouth shut or bring it up?

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4Rina
    07/07/14
    4Rina
    I hear you...Does it change your opinion at all that she is in her late 30s? Meaning, at a certain point, she will have to give up on a biological child that she gives birth to. That doesn't mean she can't be a mother to another child, though.
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      07/07/14
      4Rina
      Good points, ladies. I will stand down!
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      07/07/14
      4Rina
      Thanks. Believe me, I have been listening for years and years. That is why I can see how much she is torturing herself. But I guess the general consensus is that it's not my place to step in. I just feel like she is miserable and not able to enjoy the blessings that she does have in her life. But I guess, like others have said, she needs to come to this conclusion on her own.
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      About Rina
      Birth: September 08
      On Moms.com since: Dec 16, 2013
      I'm a working mom of 4. My husband, kids and I live in Toronto, Canada. I love to read pretty much anything I can get my hands on, am addicted to chocolate and kissing my kids' necks (they all still let me do it!) and am a bit of a political junkie.