Making 2nd Bedroom mostly about Baby

Kind of a tie in with a previous post about Erik's daughter being bossy...she made another comment the other day about how, if we move into a 2nd bedroom, it would not only be the baby's but hers and her brother's room as well so decorating the 2nd bedroom with a Care Bear's theme wouldn't be fair.

This is more of a vent than anything. This is my first baby. Right now, I pay for EVERYTHING (rent, gas, family activities, etc). She and her brother have their own rooms - they do NOT share bedrooms- in their mom's apartment in which they live there full time. Eire has no 2nd home to visit on alternate weekends and any 2nd bedroom would be her domain full time. In some ways, it's unfair to Eire to have to share part of her room with her half siblings. I won't point this out to Erik's daughter only because I don't want her to feel like she doesn't belong nor make her think/feel she's intruding on a home situation.

I did bring it up to Erik on our drive today that the kids are only with us very part time - alternate weekends - so why would the 2nd room have to be split 3 ways?? To negotiate, I would be okay with the 2nd room being divided 3 ways for the first 6 months to 1 year of Eire's birth since it makes sense to set up a nursery corner for Eire in our master bedroom. By the 6th to 8th month mark we'd gradually move her into the 2nd bedroom so by her 1st birthday she can have her own room. Simultaneously, we would also transition the 2 older kids' stuff inside the closet or maybe storage??? What do you mom's think about that?...Good idea or maybe not such a great idea as I don't want the kids to feel like they're being pushed out and unwelcome. What do you think would be a healthy approach to this? How would you explain to an 11 and 13 year old?

If we end up getting a storage unit in town, I want Erik to pay for it all out of his paycheck. I live very simple and don't own much. The majority of the stuff already inside Erik's Dad's garage is recreational/camping/outdoor gear and kids' toys. I think I would get bitter and resentful if I had to pay for something that I would want to save or spend on my baby.

01
    07/13/14
    I understand they are only with you part time, but I personally don't think it would be a good idea to move their stuff to storage. I don't think that is the vibe you want to give off to them, that the baby is more important? That's how a kid would take it. Even if that is how you feel, which would only be human of you considering the circumstances, it's bound to cause hard feelings.

    I don't want to get into your personal finances, but it also wouldn't be fair for you to pay everything and have to move up to a bigger home. I think this is the time to tell your significant other to step it up and help your family get into a position to where your kids can have their own room too. Just my opinion, take that for what it is worth.
    2
      07/13/14
      diane
      I say your baby need his/her own space. Yes baby will be in your room for the first few months and yes I said months. After that you will move baby into baby's room and you will have your own space back again. Everyone WILL sleep better. I know it will be hard to move baby farther away but in the end it will be better.

      As for the 11 and 13 yr olds. They are old enough to understand baby is with you 100% and they are with you part time. This is baby's room and it will be decorated accordingly. If there is a option for colors of care bears then they can help pick out colors or placement of the bears but the room will be of Care Bears. Life is NOT fair and this is something they will have to deal with. You do pay for everything so you have a majority say in the matter. Their opinions can help influence but they will not dominate.

      I hope this helps. Good luck!
      1
        07/13/14
        Thanks Moms! While I want the steps kids to be, to feel welcome in our home, I also want them to be understanding of our financial situation. I've been giving it a lot of thought, and I'm definitely open to sharing the 2nd bedroom 3 ways to accommodate all the kids. I'm going to talk with Erik again about us having a family discussion with the kids to explain to them that Eire is with us full time and babies like any other kids have furniture and basic necessities.

        And I'm thinking of asking both kids, if the tables were turned, where sister and brother had to share a bedroom because one of them was with Mom full time and the other only part time & there's only 2 rooms, how would they resolve this fairly? Does it make sense to let the child who lives with Mom full time to have it primarily their bedroom and when sibling arrives for the weekend to share the bedroom and give that person some corner space? The great thing about Erik's daughter is that she has demonstrated empathy, and I know she'll be able to see everyone's viewpoints. I'll definitely emphasize that wherever we move to, it will be OUR home regardless of full time/part time weekend stays. But in the context of privacy/space, everyone needs to share and be conscientious of the space.

        The 2B apartment that we'll eventually move into whether now or down the road, unfortunately CANNOT accommodate the kids' toys that are currently in the garage of the place we house share. We are hoping to find a big enough storage unit that is nearby. I've already decided that my pre-pregnancy clothes will go to my mom's provided that her offer still stands to let me store my clothes there. A tote or two per kid can get stored in the 2nd bedroom closet and anything additional they want to play with that is in another tote, they could take out of the storage unit but must be returned to the storage unit or swapped out with one of the other totes prior to them going back to their Mom's.

        Erik is going through a work assessment with Vocational Rehabilitation so he can get retrained for a different line of work. He completed his first week unpaid and starting tomorrow all paid work hours. Yay! His body can only handle 20 hours per week being on his feet. Most of you know the story I think (He was a pedestrian struck by a moving vehicle at 45 MPH when he was 25. He has a host of physical challenges and his chronic pain worsens every year :-( ....So I knew all of this going into the relationship with him. I just didn't imagine life could be so difficult financially....
        1
          07/15/14
          I agree with Melissa and Debi, please tread carefully on this one, maybe you all can sit down as the family that you are and discuss it, the 13 year old needs to feel that she is needed ( to help) and please allow her to do age appropriate task, as well as the 11 year old when bay arrives. Maryjane please don't try to pull rank in this situation because when it comes to his children you may not even be a close second in terms of his defending them, be adult and treat her as the developing young lady that she is! Not you as Queen B, remind her of the pros and cons of having a newborn in the room, (less sleep, interruptions and maybe lullaby music throughout the night! You'll wean them in no time, you don't need sophisticated tactics, as Debi said you can keep baby in the room with you and Erik, you'll probably want to anyway.
          1
          07/15/14
          Yeah, definitely a touchy subject with everyone. Being a first time mom, the baby will be with me 100% of the time especially during night time feedings. I can't imagine walking to the next room to get her every couple of hours while sleep deprived.

          Thankfully this family discussion won't be until we move again into a bigger home. The 2nd bedroom will house all the baby furniture and items that she'll need/use. While I believe the kids should have some kind of space to call their own while they're in our home, they have stuff like a tote or two to signify this and it'll be kept in the shared closet of that 2nd bedroom. They can leave the totes out and put them away before they go to bed. They are only there on alternate weekends. It would be different if they were there full time AND I had some help from their father to get a bigger place to accommodate all of us. Right now he contributes nothing financially, and I have sacrificed a lot already making sure he has plenty of opportunities to see his kids, spend time 1:1 with them, etc.

          I don't want to be bitter. I don't even have a nursery for my first born and barely anything is brand new. I am carrying the weight of the finances. The kids have their own bedrooms at their moms. They know what it's like to have their own personal space. The living room is going to be their temporary bedroom while they visit, and it's going to look like a living room again after their stays.

          I appreciate all the input I receive on here because I have a better, balanced view of what could be overlooked. We'll see how that discussion goes when it's time.
          0
            07/15/14
            Maryjane I hope things work out for you guys, you seem to be quite young, and you have a lot on your plate right now! These issues are a part of life and each of us, all us Mo ms have different challenges, it's just those soul stretches that we all have from time to time! I can hear the excitement about the baby, and I know that you would love for everything to be in proper order, but just a couple of weeks ago; even less, you did not even have the new place so the tide is turning, but so it is with life; the enemy often comes to buffet us which means to come in like a tide, mess things up a bit go out to sea then come in again! Hang in there throughout all of our storms you have to remind yourself that all storms have an expiration date, enjoy your life because you are truly BESSED!
            2
              07/31/14
              MaryJane, I feel the same way sometimes with my step daughter. It is extremely hard to have step children sometimes and others its a complete blessing. I think in your situation I would split the room half and half and then have the kids help pick out a few things for the nursery. For Lily she was SO excited for her baby brother because I took her and let her pick a few things out for the baby. But when we were out I would see what I like and then give her choices like "Which one do you think the baby will like?" The kids just want to feel part of your new family so lots of encouragement is needed. They will most likely be a lot of help the weekends they are there because Lily helps me a lot even though she is young. Really go over the top to include them BUT also satisfy your own desires as well!! It is important you are all happy with the arrangements. I would try to let them get something for their part of the room to so they have a little space that is theirs. Like everyone said though babies need a lot more things than grown children so that will be explained as well.
              0
                10/23/14
                5Tabitha
                I don't know if you've solved this yet.. What we do with my daughter (who is here during the summer and a few weeks here and there-weekends are at my parents' because of distance).. is she has a 3 drawer tote of clothes, she also has a box of barbie stuff that stays up until she comes. As for the bed, we went and bought a kid size air mattress with a sleeping bag on it with her favorite cartoon character.
                0
                About MaryJane
                Birth: March 25
                On Moms.com since: Apr 18, 2014
                Pregnant back to back. I have a baby girl and another on the way. I'm also a pseudo-step mom to 2 tweens.