am I bad mom

I am a stay at home mom and wife last weekend me and my husband went out for the first time in almost a year we got into a fight because I was talking to some old friends I was not really paying attention to him. I told him that it was nice just to talk to someone other than him and someone that can actually talk to me back that I feel like I'm going crazy looking at the same four walls all day long. So is it wrong for me to want a little bit of me time. husband thinks now that I'm a wife and a mother that is what my life is now should I be a mother and a wife and then me?

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Rebecca VanEckHinesville, Georgia
    08/05/14
    I can see both points...for him he probably just wanted your attention. But I can say that I go through the same thing. Sometimes you just want to not talk about Mommy or wife stuff. You just want to feel like a normal person. Men are not always very understanding of that though, but then they are not normally "trapped" like we are!
    1
      08/05/14
      I don't think that makes you a bad mom. Everyone has different thresholds for socializing, and it's completely normal to want to talk to other friends, and someone besides your husband.

      Does he work outside the home? If so, he's probably communicating with other people on a daily basis and doesn't realize the maddening effects of being trapped in a house all day long with no one to talk to that's a friend, or even a coworker.

      Do what you need to do for yourself, I think, and maybe explain to him how you feel? You'll be more ready and willing to provide energy in the house and family if you're happy and satisfied, and it's important for your health.

      Taking care of yourself by no means makes you a bad mom.
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        08/05/14
        Why can't you talk to your friends during the day? meet up at a park. gets you out of the house, gets the kids out of the house and gives you some adult time. I understand the adult time. Your hubby was probably thinking he took on a date and then you wanted to talk to somebody else. My husband and I made an agreement. When we are out of the house without the kids (happens rarely, but still), phones stay in the pockets. Yes, we check periodically to make sure whoever is watching kids doesn't need something, but if it is not them, then the phones go right back in the pockets. I get my time to tak to friends when he is at work.
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        08/05/14
        Rebecca VanEck
        I do no have a car and all my friends have jobs my babies are one month and 15 months
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        08/05/14
        I understand that.. hubby and i reached a compromise when he switched shift on me. I could do pretty much anything within reason as long as I could walk there while he was at work-he would even pick me and babies up on his way home. But once he got home, it was family time. If we went on a date, it was us time. I found a way to make it work and honestly, I didn't have friends off line for a long time because nobody in person understood. But I had massive support from friends and family on Facebook. Yes, I have a car now-but gas budget is so tight we barely take it anywhere. If I can walk, we go. If I can't, we don't.
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          08/05/14
          Hi Rebecca, I'm sorry you're going through some struggles with this. I completely understand both feelings and it can be tough at times. However, it is very important for you to have some "you" time to help stay balanced. He may not fully understand how things have changed for you in your current regimen that created some of the feelings you have. It also sounds like he misses you too and wants to have "You and Him" time. :-)
          Do you have any friends that you can set up play dates with at a park, or taking turns entertaining at each others house, the mall, etc? How about places you may already take the kids to and meeting new moms to have some play dates with or having breakfast/lunch/dinner on occasion with each other? Some establishments even cater to stay at home moms/dads and have a day of the week there may be a breakfast or event of which you could enjoy together and spend time afterwards walking and talking.

          Another idea, possibly reaching out to your friends and chatting etc. during nap times? Do you have anyone you know and trust that could possibly care for the little ones while you meet up with friends for an hour or two? How about friends that also have children and alternating dinner at each others house? Maybe you can alternate times of the month when one of you goes out for Guy Time/Girl Time while the other is at home with little ones? One thing is for sure always set aside some time for you and your honey too,even if the kids are home and asleep. you could have a late night picnic in the living room enjoying dessert and/or dinner and a movie.

          Not everything works for everyone., but know you aren't alone and you are NOT a Bad Mom at all just because you want some Adult/Girl time. It's important to be a happy mommy so there can be a happy home and same goes for Daddy too. Stay positive and we are always here to help. :-)
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            08/05/14
            Rebecca VanEck
            we have us time all the time. he is ok with just going to work and coming home to me and the kids. after the fight like a bad mom and wife
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            About Rebecca VanEck
            Born: Honolulu, Hawaii
            Current: Hinesville, Georgia
            Birth: June 07
            On Moms.com since: Mar 24, 2014
            I'm name is Rebecca and I'm a stay at home mom and Army wife. I have 2 girls and 1 boy Anela James and Rosalee. I'm from Hawaii