New mom having a hard time adjusting..

I'm a mother of a 16 day old girl. I'm nervous that I'm not cut out for this. I love her dearly but didn't realize how much responsibility it was to care for her. I honestly can't wait to go back to work in November. I've tried for a long time to get pregnant and after three years of trying, I gave up. That's when I got pregnant.. I feel like I don't know what I'm doing and I'm lost. Why do I feel like my life is over? I know this is the wrong way to feel. When she cries, I still don't know what she wants and it is so frustrating. Does it get better in time as she gets older? I'm looking for some helpful advice.

01
    08/06/14
    Bonnie it will absolutely get better. I promise. I tried for four years to get pregnant... and when I gave up it happened for me as well. I was home with her for four months straight before returning to work and there were times I wanted to pull my hair out. It took me a long time to figure out her cries. I just went through a checklist every time. Diaper, rock, and feed. Diaper, rock, and feed. I truthfully don't think I truly mastered the cries until she was four months old and it was always when someone else had her.

    Your life is not over... it's just different now. That took some getting used to for me as well. My friends became non-existent. My husband was still working. So it was only me and this tiny human poop monster. Just take it one day at a time and do not be afraid to ask for help whether it be from parents, friends, or even a doctor if you're feeling depressed. Postpartum depression is very common.

    Once you settle in, it will feel like the easiest thing you've ever done. Like riding a bike. I'm here if you need someone to talk to. I feel like we have similar stories.
    2
    08/06/14
    Jessika, thank you so much for making me feel better. Sometimes I feel like I have nobody to talk to. If I tell my husband or family members, I'm afraid they will think that I have regrets and don't want to be judged.

    Your right, it does sound like we have similar stories. It's nice to know that there is someone else out there that felt how I feel. All of my friends have been calling me asking to see the baby and I'm actually blowing them off because I feel like a failure as a mom. I know it's really early as she was just born but this life change has been difficult.
    1
    08/06/14
    You are very welcome! I was afraid to ask my mom and husband for help because I felt the same thing. I will tell you that early in the first few weeks I almost felt a detachment from my daughter. I love her, of course...she's my whole world, but I just had this feeling of detachment toward her. I only recently told my husband this and he was shocked. Not judgmental in any way, just shocked that I had felt that way and never told him.

    Let your friends come over to see her. I found that just a friendly visit allowed me so much relief even if it was only for a few minutes while they held her. Once when my mom was over I asked if she minded just sitting with her so I could relax in the shower and not have to worry about her. It's amazing how much your family may WANT to help you.

    Once your little girl starts giving you more than poopy diapers and blank stares it feels all worth it. All of the sleepless nights, and tears become distant memories. I'll never forget the first REAL smile I got from Ellsie. My heart just melted and I knew she was the only thing that mattered.

    Now... when you enter the teething stage, let me know. Sleepless nights may return to haunt you. :)
    1
      08/06/14
      Latosha Balkman
      Bonnie, what you are feeling is completely normal. I went through the same thing with my first child. I felt like "What did I get myself into"!! My husband was away on Active duty service, and I was miserable! I did have a lot of support from my mom and mother in law, so I started getting the hang of things. I didn't know what to do when he cried, and I would end up crying out of frustration! Do you have a support group?
      3
        08/12/14
        Melissa Middleton
        It will get better, Bonnie, trust me. I felt like I didn't know what I was doing either when I became a mother, even with raising some of my nieces and nephews. I could not recognize his cries, he wouldn't let me put him down, I was losing sleep, and felt I was going to lose my mind. I took it one day at a time. And, it got better and a little easier. I had a full time job before pregnancy as well. We all feel like we didn't know what we were doing in the beginning but the Mommy instinct kicked in, eventually. Yours will, too.

        I had my son in January so I was stuck in the house, minus Dr, appts. My hubby did the shopping because it was snowing. It went on like this for months. I started to get cabin fever. My social life became non-existent...and then I came across Moms.com. This site truly helped me, and I hope you find it helpful as well.

        And, if you need to talk, I'll listen.

        PS- Welcome to Moms!
        1
          08/15/14
          Well, I called my gynecologist today and left a message for him to get back to me on post partum depression. I am crying every day and my hormones are all over the place. I've been pretty much depressed and have terrible anxiety. This is all new to me... I never thought I would feel like this but my mother noticed it in me and asked me to try to seek help. So, I am. I'm assuming he will give me a prescription? I don't know how this works. Anyone know? Thanks..
          1
          08/19/14
          Do not beat yourself up over this! PPD is SO common in women and it's BECAUSE your hormones are going crazy. Your doctor will most likely write you a script for Zoloft (anti-depressant/mood stabilizer). I took this as well. And although the effects of the medication will NOT be an instant relief I did notice I began feeling better around the two-three week mark of taking the medication. Every woman is different though. I'm glad your mother noticed a change in you and urged you to seek help from a doctor. There's no shame in that whatsoever. And like I said before if you ever need to talk/vent feel free to message me here or even find me on facebook. www.Facebook.com/Jsika.Nicole
          0
          08/19/14
          Thank you Jessika. You are right. My doc gave me a script for Zoloft. I just never thought that it would be like this for me. I do beat myself up unfortunately. I have been trying not to. I opened my eyes this morning and just started tearing up and crying thinking that my day is going to be spent doing the same thing over and over again with a cranky baby. Don't get me wrong, I do love my daughter. Then I feel guilty for feeling this way. Today is my first day on Zoloft. Hopefully it will kick in soon because these hormones of mine are all messy..
          0
          08/19/14
          There were some long nights when E was crying and I had no idea what to do. I made sure she was okay... then I shut her bedroom door and sat on the sofa and bawled my eyes out. It was around 3:00 am. Having those moments are completely normal. Did I feel guilty? Absolutely. But sometimes it is a necessary thing to have a cry of your own, collect yourself, and then go soothe your baby. Believe it or not, babies will pick up on their mommy's stress and it just seems ten times worse.
          0
          09/02/14
          Hi Jessika.. Just wanted to say hello and catch up a little. Zoloft gave me bad side effects so I am on xanax now. It's helped a little. I think things may start looking up for me as time goes on. I am not 100% but I think that I may be starting to get a handle on things slowly. It helps that my husband has been taking care of her when he comes home from work until very late when he goes to sleep. A little help feels good. Plus, my sister came over to babysit while we went to dinner. I have my moments but hopeful that I will be able to get in the swing of things and get past these feelings..
          0
          09/02/14
          Sorry to hear about the side effects, but very glad that xanax works for you! It's nice to hear that your husband is taking care of Nicole when he's home after work and before he goes to sleep (my husband did the same). Every little bit helps and being a mommy is definitely the biggest learning process you'll ever go through. Thanks for checking back with me!!! I like hearing that things are slowly (but surely) improving for you! :) One day at a time!
          0
          About Bonnie
          Birth: December 31
          On Moms.com since: Aug 6, 2014