Keeping a child from their dad hurts everyone involved!

Getting bummed we would normally be getting little man tonight..but his mother is keeping him from us. its been over a month now...There is no court ordered custody arrangement in place in our situation. she's done this before but never this long. And sadly she does this once in awhile. we haven't been able to afford a lawyer so we play by her rules when it comes to everything do with Adrian so we can see him, but anytime my fiancé has an opinion in his sons care she takes him from us. Now he pays child support and 1/2 for daycare and has never hesitated to help her financially. After we got home from the hospital we found out the cost of daycare was going up. he told her he couldn't pay daycare Friday and would have the money Monday (due to the short check from being by my side at the hospital) she was annoyed by it...and this was the first time he hadn't been able to pay it. when he dropped him off that Sunday he said he didn't want to pay the increase for that daycare and they should look into a new one. she instantly became mad (because the dc lady is her friend) she said well I guess you don't need to see your son she's been in his life 5 days a week since he was a month old which is more than I can say for you. she constantly tries to put him down any chance she gets and does it in front of Adrian which is sad, bc we never say anything bad about her around him. she wont answer calls or texts and jake refuses to fight with her in front of him. he's set aside daycare money every week in case , unfortunately it looks like court is our only option and Jake is going to apply that money to a lawyer. it just breaks my heart to walk past his empty room and untouched bed and toys. I started crying when I was doing laundry and found a pair of his shorts. we miss our little monkey terribly. And to top it off he only got to spend 1 weekend with his sister since she was born... He's an amazing father and Adrian loves it at our house.. I could never imagine as a mother keeping my child away from their daddy! (unless unfit) Daddy's are just as important as Mommy's!

03
    08/14/14
    Exactly. I hate when mothers use the child to punish the other parent. she isn't just punishing him, but in turn causing herself to suffer by not having help any extra help at all..he has suggested co parent counseling after the last time this happened. but she said its her son, and he only sees his dad to have a male influence in his life. I don't know how people can live life so cynically. I just hope we don't have to miss out on too much more time.
    1
      08/14/14
      Also make sure that you always pay her any child support or day care with a check or money order and write on it what it's for and if it's a money order make a copy of it before you give it to her. My husband went through this and because he was paying her cash She told the court that he hadn't paid anything so they made him pay 2 years in back support...at $570 a month! Be very careful! You can always try and get a legal aid attorney or at least get an order put into place on your own. It's always best to keep proof of everything. We have a court order and a lawyer and still my step sons mom has been allowed to keep his son away from us for over a year. Even with a court order that says she can't. They let the mom go a long time doing this stuff before they do anything about it.
      It is heart breaking when you can't see them. I tried to write him a little letter just telling him I loved him and his little brother drew him a picture and she got so mad she changed her phone number so we can't even talk to him anymore. It really is heartbreaking.
      2
        08/14/14
        Amy Phroper
        I agree with you 100% I share my daughter with her father. We have a court order now but it wasn't always that way. I think that it is just as important for a child to have a relationship with his/her father as it is his/her mother. I hope that you can get the situation resolved soon because she doesn't seem to care that she is not only hurting the dad but she is hurting that little boy as well.
        1
          08/14/14
          Melissa Middleton
          Like Amy wrote, make sure the child support is written out in check or money order and what it is for because, if not, it will back fire. Without proof you are paying, she can tell the court he never paid, even though he did. Writing out a receipt doesn't work either. This happened to my brother-in-law. He is still paying, even though the children are now grown (in their forties and are grand parents).

          I have a step-daughter. We've played this unfortunate game before. Once, she threatened my hubby that he wasn't going to have his daughter on father's day. She's even gone as far as trying to move to another state (which they can do in some cases), and knocked her out of a musical Cinderella play we were going to take her. We made plans in advance and even brought the tickets. She knew ahead of time. Right now, we are trying to get custody because her mother is unfit. I wish she wasn't though because I believe the child should live with the mother.

          My step-daughter desperately wants to live here, too, and she cries when she has to leave. She sobs and begs, and she tells me how much she loves me and clings to me. It breaks my heart.
          1
          08/16/14
          5sarah
          Going through the same thing with my step daughter I've had her 9-10 months a year since she was 3 months old. She's been with us for 6 months now and refuses to even talk to her mother. It's sad when a 4 year old feels that way but the mother created the mess only she can fix it.
          1
          08/18/14
          Melissa Middleton
          I would also keep a journal log for when he calls about his son or to talk to him. And write down what the mother said. Document everything down.
          We are going through one, and a lawyer is the best option when trying to file custody or getting visitation rights. They will probably do a home study and background check on you all, too, including the mother. They may even request parenting classes for your hubby/partner and the mother. It doesn't mean that the parent needs them, it is just routine. It may not be requested though.
          1
          About Ashley
          Current: Omaha, Nebraska
          Birth: January 18
          On Moms.com since: Aug 11, 2014
          My name is Ashley. I have a step son Adrian who's been an amazing part of my life for the last 2 years. I had my daughter Emelia on July 1 2014. I love my babies!