I understand that four year olds are generally hyper and defiant. But where do you draw the line between normal four year old behavior and abnormal four year old behavior? My step/soon to be daughter is beyond the limit of what's reasonable. She is totally out of control and listens to nothing. She will not make eye contact when being talked to. She won't sit in time out and will become physical if you try to correct her for anything. For example yesterday she wasn't staying away from the pool so she was told to come inside. I had to carry her while being punched in the back repeatedly and kicked in the hip to get her in the house she then was getting a time out for her behavior, the time out ultimately resulted in a 45 minute fight that ended with her in her room until she calmed down. Her doctor keeps trying to tell us this is normal. Were going back today to fight with them some more and try to convince them the kid needs help. Mental Health around here won't take a four year old on an outpatient basis they want us to admit her and I'm not willing to admit my four year old.
I agree with Amy it sounds like she doesn't know how to calm down. Also when she's mad and AFTER her time out do you talk to her about why she was so mad? And what she did that was not ok?
When I had to put kids in time out and they were yelling and screaming I would tell them, "I'm sorry your mad but I love you and when you are done and calm down we can talk about this." AND every time you are done talking about it make sure to give her a hug.
She is also probably pushing new boundaries to see how far she can push you. Try to never yell at her. Use your calm voice. I know its hard but its all worth a try. Have her Daddy talk to her to. Have her color a picture after to help show why she was so mad. If you can figure out why she is so mad maybe it will help you to calm her down. Make sure she knows that its never okay to hit someone.
Keep up posted and I will let you know if I think of anything else. Keep us posted on how everything is going.
Ask her how she feels and let her express herself, and often not just when she is upset. Show her it's okay to be upset or mad but hurting other people or herself is not okay and teach her other ways to release her stress/anger. When she's happy, share her happiness and reward good behavior.
Putting her in time out the way you did is great, it may be helpful if there is a specific place just for time out like a corner or chair/bench not to be associated with anything else. Sending her to her room until she calms down and is ready to talk is also goo. But most important be sure to allow her to express her feelings to you to help build communication, understanding and a bond between you both. I wish you the best and my heart goes out to you both. Stay positive and it will get better. :-)