When you're NOT happy for your friend's pregnancy...

Ok. This isn't about me... this is about her... I've spent a YEAR talking with my friend about how miserable she is in her marriage... how her oldest daughter who is 13 is nasty to her and swears at her... her younger (my daughter's friend) cries every day before school and between her and her husband they work three jobs to make ends meet.

This is all life.. I get it.. I have had a hard time relating because her kids are far from what I would allow mine to be, but this friend I adore. She's funny and fun and silly and kind and just really, really unhappy in her personal life...

And then texts me last week to tell me she's having a baby...

Huh?

I'm ALL ABOUT babies... this has nothing to do with me at all.. BUT, to know all the dirty in her life and to think that before fixing everything already happening she's bringing more in... infuriates me... I feel like it's really irresponsible... And I feel sad for her older daughters... Her teenager... fine.. may just be a teenager.. I'm not there yet, I can't judge, but her 1st grader... needs her...

Of course I show her how happy I am for her and that maybe this is a blessing and the surprise is exactly what they all need... but, I can't help but feel like I wanna run... lol.. I've already fielded countless texts about her gripes of her husband helping out and how this pregnancy is harder...

Do, I just take a small step back? I love this friend.. and I love her family... But, I really have a problem listening to someones problems when they've done NOTHING to fix them...

SHould I just fade out a little? I don't want to leave her, but I have barely anything left to give her... ​

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Moms Expertise
    09/04/13
    8Theresa Gould
    That's so tough. I'd have mixed feelings too, but like you and Leah I may back off a bit too. I need my energy for my family.
    1
      09/05/13
      I have a similar situation with my lfriend. She and her husband have been married for 8 years, but they do not work to conceive a child. Recently, the family relationship is very deteriorated, he began to go out at night, hanging out with friends, drinking and even beat her when he is drunk.She can call me at night in tears and complaining about it. Now she is pregnant (and I don't know is I am happy for her), he was very happy at first, but his happiness lasted for a couple of weekswas, everything remains as before (well, except that he does not hit her). She continues to call me and complain. I'm SO tired of it. At first I felt sorry for her, saying that things will get better, and now I say like I'm thinking "you have to change something, or get out of him or stop whining". I know that it is very rude but I can't put my brain in to her head.
      1
        09/05/13
        Yes. I have to back away.. I just KNOW that after the baby is born... I will be hearing about how hard it all is and all the stuff that will go with the new baby... I'm happy to help someone and be there for them if they are doing something to change things, but when it's not moving in any direction it's hard... I have my own stuff you know?

        Thanks Ladies.. I don't feel like a bad person anymore... There is a point where people can become draining... no matter how much you love them.
        3
        About Jessica
        Born: Novato, California
        Current: Sherman Oaks, California
        Birth: May 28
        On Moms.com since: Aug 5, 2013
        We live in Los Angeles, CA. I'm a writer, comedian, actor and single mom of two. Parenting is hard. I try to keep a sense of humor about it all and find the find the funny... in what is most likely NOT funny (i.e. boogers, meltdowns, homework, etc.).