I wrote this... I want some opinions.

There is a demon inside me,
she won't leave.

She has taken over my body,
and controls everything I have ever believed..

I am not the same person I was two years ago,
I was happy and cheerful, more than you would ever know.

I had a rough life but I was strong enough to deal,
Until I got out and my life got real...

I hurt the only person I had left for me,
granet I felt bad but I did the same shit continuesly.

I had no family, I had no friends,
but he was always beside me til the end..

He made me happy, a perfect gentlemen..
I ruined his life, he will never feel the same again.

I loved him so much, I didnt wan him to hurt..
So I lied to his face thinking what could be the worst.

He belived anything I said, trusted it was the truth..
until his heart grew weaker, and his brain grew smarter,
than was when he realized it didnt match up..

I wanted to tell the truth, this demon told me no,
she said if he ever finds out you will forever be alone.

So when he questioned me, I continued to lie.. thinking I could get away,
but he could see straight through my eyes.

Little bit by little bit he would learn something new,
that I had lied about he didnt know what to do..

He loved me, he trusted me.. and It tore him apart,
All he wanted was the truth, and that broke his heart.

Every time it was a patern, he questioned I lied more..
he figured something out, and I would lie some more,
he gave me chance after chance to come completely clean,
but this thing told me "No if you tell him he will leave".

A few months later, we are expecting a baby girl,
by now almost all of his feelings are gone..
he's not happy with her, he loves her to death,
but all the lies she has told are swirling in his head.

He doesn't know what to do, she is pregnant with his kid
another doubt in his mind that lives with in..

A few months later they have in their arms,
a beautiful baby girl that they have been waiting for so long.

She brought us closer on that very day,
the sight of them together made my heart melt away.
It was like I fell in love all over again,
I had a family.

A few months pass and things dont look too good,
the fighting, the screaming, I barely understood.
Than I remember, this is because of me..
I need to tell the truth, I need to come clean.
Every time it is the same old thing,
he questions, I lie..

It is too late to come clean,
this demon has finished her deed..
to ruin a perfect man, who did nothing but treat me like a queen.

I give it a shot anyway, to try and come clean..
answer any question he has for me, I tell him the truth. He is upset,
This demon is not happy, for what I had said.

He has no trust, in anything.
He feels no happiness when he is with me.
This demon has destroyd me, and taken over my body..

When ever I try to fix this, she turns me rotten.
From sweet to sour I can go,
in less than a second you should know.

She makes me hurt, she makes me hate..
Anyone who enters my gate,
I scream, I shout, I hit, than I pout...
because after the crazy hits, the real me comes out.

I feel bad, I say sorry, but sorry is just a word..
He doesn't belive me, he doesn't believe in love,
he doesn't belve I'll change, and he feels like he is stuck..

No therapy, No meds..
Nothing can help me,
this demon has moved inside of me..

She has moved in, and I have moved out..
The real me comes out to visit when she is not around,
I may stay a month, I may stay a day..
But this demon finds me and makes me go away.

Will I ever be me again? The world may never know.
How can I get rid of this demon, before she goes to far..
and I end up all alone..

Is anyone out there?
Can anyone help me?
Bring the old me back,
so he can finally love ME?

01
    08/21/14
    8Theresa Gould
    Wow, that's pretty powerful stuff. Thank you for sharing.
    1
      08/21/14
      Comment deleted
        08/22/14
        Melissa, Yes I am going to call them Monday.. Honestly I just genuinely don't like the therapist they assigned me too. She is like 20, and I am 18.. Not that the age really matters but she doesn't really help me at all, I am only assigned to go to therapy every Wednesday, and She has cancelled my appointment more times than I have even went, when I was evaluated, I really liked the woman I talked to , I feel like I really connected with her, but I couldn't have her because she had a baby and is out..
        0
        About Eva Koerick
        Birth: March 27
        On Moms.com since: Aug 12, 2014
        Hi! My name is Eva, I am a first time mom, and a young mom! My daughters name is Avery Jayne, and I am happily engaged to her father Gary. Some of you may think I am "too young" that may be true but I am still an amazing mom to my daughter. :)