just venting

I am posting mostly just because I need to vent, and get this off of my chest. I am sure that there are many stepmothers on here. My stepson lives with us and my stepdaughter lives with her mother, and my husband gets her every weekend. The mother is not particularly a good person, role model, or mother, but despite the evidence we had, the court ruled it would be too traumatic to move the child after she had been there for a year and half. So..moving on, stepson is finally rebuilding a relationship with his mother. Yippee. I am glad, because it hurt him the way she was being, and she is at least being semi decent now. However, now he feels he does not have to listen to anything I say. His dad let him leave the house at midnight to go to a bonfire that he didn't even ask permission to go to. He was waiting tll his dad was in bed and was going to leave then. He is sneaking out, very disrespectful to me, cruel and rude to his smaller stepsiblings (my children) and manipulative. He set a firecracker off in the house, outside of my daughters door in a can. When I told him not to, he cracks off a "whatever", and walks off. He suddenly won't go anywhere with the family, and if my husband and I are supposed to do something together, he suddenly needs to urgently talk to his dad and alone, so I get left and they go do something together. His ex wife called while my husband and I were out the other evening and then called MY cell to talk to my husband. She is not a quiet woman and I could hear the conversation. She is telling him HE needs to spend more time alone with just his son and daughter, and that my house is always in an uproar from my children and how my stepson just can't stand that. That he needs to come home and get his son and take him out alone. Surprise, surprise, our date gets cut short and he rushes home and does as she said. Perhaps I should mention that this is a 16 year old boy. Not a small child. Then this weekend his daughter is here. She refuses to sleep in a bed. She sleeps on the couch and insists that he sleep in the living room with her. I had her in a bed, and if I tell her to go to bed, she will. He will not enforce it at all. I was letting the smaller ones play with play dough. She wanted blue. I had no blue. I gave my one child black, gave her red, and gave my other daughter green. She starts throwing a fit, she wants blue. I explain over and over, I don't have blue. So then she decided she wanted my other childs playdough. I refused to give it to her. It is like this every weekend. Whatever my children have, she wants, and he takes it from them and gives it to her. I came in one evening, and he had just pulled in. My daughter who is the same age as his, was crying her eyes out in the front yard. Why? Because he went down the road, and took his daughter because she was crying. His reasoning, though they were both crying, he felt that my daughter would stop when he left. I am tired. I tried talking to him about this yesterday. I got told that I might as well understand that his first priority was his two children and mine are basically afterthoughts. I understand that I am not the mother of his kids, but I also understand that I am deserving of respect and some say so regarding what goes on in my home with his son. The kid is showing up here with boys with no prior notice, who smoke, dip, and smoke weed. Yet I am supposed to be ok with this and have no problems with it. I feel like I am ready to explode....

7Kimberly AcordGlen Fork, West Virginia
    That sounds really tough... We're all here for you. I can totally understand why you'd be upset. I know there are quite a few step mommas on here, maybe they can help you out some. Hugs.
      It sounds like some counseling with your husband may be in order. You have tried communicating with each other and it just isn't working. What will happen is either it gets worse and you guys split up, or you stay but become resentful of every single thing having to do with his kids and his ex, which isn't healthy for anyone in the house.

      Just my .02, but this is coming from someone who just a year ago separated from her long term boyfriend for many of the same issues.
        8Theresa Gould
        I am so sorry you have to go through this. I am assuming your children are with your current husband? If so, I think your husband has his priorities mixed up. I get that he has two other children but don't think they should come between you and him or him and his other children. There's a reason it is called "blended" families, the families blend into one and this just does not seem to be happening right now for yours. I agree you need to talk to your husband and get everything out on the table for the good of everyone.
          Everllaliz Lopez
          I will Have LOT to say about this situation because im going tru it right now as well but my husband son is 9 yrs old and my boys are 2 and 1 yr old... like i said to my husband and i thank god i am pregnant so is all blame on the hormones but it's how i feel with the situation... This weekend that past was the last drop i could take, his son disrespected my whole family and my 2 yr old son, but for my husband is a " child thing" so he try to talk about the issue and my respond to him was " this is OUR HOME and in my understanding your son is a guess in my house anytime he comes but in this house RULES and regulations are a most my children even though they so young they need to know what are the rules that most be follow so if his son comes twice a month with no type of guidedance then he most do something as a parent to him, my children are the priority in this house so are his" I will hurt me see our marriage go to an end but i will NEVER allow him to treat my kids less every time his son comes over!!!!

          Hopefully you can make your husband understand you point of view!
          About Kimberly Acord
          Born: Glen Fork, West Virginia
          Current: Glen Fork, West Virginia
          Birth: May 24
          On Moms.com since: Jan 24, 2014
          I'm a married SAHM after working outside the home until a year ago. I have 5 beautiful children, and 2 awesome stepchildren. I love reading, cooking, laughing, and family things. God has given me a lot of blessings, and I'm so thankful for them.