I am posting mostly just because I need to vent, and get this off of my chest. I am sure that there are many stepmothers on here. My stepson lives with us and my stepdaughter lives with her mother, and my husband gets her every weekend. The mother is not particularly a good person, role model, or mother, but despite the evidence we had, the court ruled it would be too traumatic to move the child after she had been there for a year and half. So..moving on, stepson is finally rebuilding a relationship with his mother. Yippee. I am glad, because it hurt him the way she was being, and she is at least being semi decent now. However, now he feels he does not have to listen to anything I say. His dad let him leave the house at midnight to go to a bonfire that he didn't even ask permission to go to. He was waiting tll his dad was in bed and was going to leave then. He is sneaking out, very disrespectful to me, cruel and rude to his smaller stepsiblings (my children) and manipulative. He set a firecracker off in the house, outside of my daughters door in a can. When I told him not to, he cracks off a "whatever", and walks off. He suddenly won't go anywhere with the family, and if my husband and I are supposed to do something together, he suddenly needs to urgently talk to his dad and alone, so I get left and they go do something together. His ex wife called while my husband and I were out the other evening and then called MY cell to talk to my husband. She is not a quiet woman and I could hear the conversation. She is telling him HE needs to spend more time alone with just his son and daughter, and that my house is always in an uproar from my children and how my stepson just can't stand that. That he needs to come home and get his son and take him out alone. Surprise, surprise, our date gets cut short and he rushes home and does as she said. Perhaps I should mention that this is a 16 year old boy. Not a small child. Then this weekend his daughter is here. She refuses to sleep in a bed. She sleeps on the couch and insists that he sleep in the living room with her. I had her in a bed, and if I tell her to go to bed, she will. He will not enforce it at all. I was letting the smaller ones play with play dough. She wanted blue. I had no blue. I gave my one child black, gave her red, and gave my other daughter green. She starts throwing a fit, she wants blue. I explain over and over, I don't have blue. So then she decided she wanted my other childs playdough. I refused to give it to her. It is like this every weekend. Whatever my children have, she wants, and he takes it from them and gives it to her. I came in one evening, and he had just pulled in. My daughter who is the same age as his, was crying her eyes out in the front yard. Why? Because he went down the road, and took his daughter because she was crying. His reasoning, though they were both crying, he felt that my daughter would stop when he left. I am tired. I tried talking to him about this yesterday. I got told that I might as well understand that his first priority was his two children and mine are basically afterthoughts. I understand that I am not the mother of his kids, but I also understand that I am deserving of respect and some say so regarding what goes on in my home with his son. The kid is showing up here with boys with no prior notice, who smoke, dip, and smoke weed. Yet I am supposed to be ok with this and have no problems with it. I feel like I am ready to explode....
Just my .02, but this is coming from someone who just a year ago separated from her long term boyfriend for many of the same issues.
Hopefully you can make your husband understand you point of view!