10 year old daughter drama!

I think i am officially ready to loose my mind. My 10 year old daughter almost 11 in a few weeks is in a very weird stage. She has always been her own person and has had her own style. I have always recognized it and told her to be herself. well...she has gotten into the "emo" stage. Everything is black and these bands she wants to listen to our not my favorite. I dont even know where she heard these things from. I have banned her from listening but she some how finds a way (school). She is very mean and difiant against me. She calls me and her dad by our names..alyssa and jose and when i say umm no im your mom she just rolls her eyes and says thats weird. (we are her biological parents lol) she is obsessed with this group blood on the dance floor and the guys in the group. She only wants to shop in hot topic and everything has to be black! She is consistantly writing on her self in black marker and also on her clothes and shoes that we buy. All she wants to do is sit in her room all day and not do fun things with us. She also has been lying alot too. I am very worried about her. She literally has no one who wants to play with her or come over and i know it hurts her, but i wouldnt want to either if i knew she just wanted to be alone all the time and lied. She is only 10 1/2 and is super super boy crazy(which i guess is normal) but the other issues just make it bigger. Does anyone out there have these issues with their child? I really feel like im dealing with a 15 year old rather than an 10 year old. We have sought out counseling but she says all she will do is sit there and wont talk. I feel like i have lost a child. I dont know what to do. I am worried this behaviour will not be good and will end up causing her trouble.

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Alyssa MartinezNew Port Richey, Florida
    09/02/14
    Well.. what my mom did to me when I started that sounds harsh, but it at least worked until I got out of the house.
    Everything piece of clothing I had that I drew on, I lost. I could only pick my clothes if I had a job to pay for them-and I had to have proof of where I got the money (even if it was a note from a neighbor that I did so much work for so much money..and mom would call the person to verify). The music I listened to, mom had to be able to understand and like the words or it get burned (like, thrown in the bonfire pile burned). I wasn't allowed any contact with friends outside of school. If I was caught singing a song my mom deemed inappropriate, I got a bar of soap in my mouth. If I disrespected my mom or dad (calling them by their names or sassing), I got a bar of soap in my mouth. I wasn't allowed to go anywhere without a parent. Dad sealed my windows. and put alarms on the glass so if I tried to take the panes out an alarm would go off.
    I straightened out in about six months..
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    09/02/14
    Alyssa Martinez
    yea sounds harsh butttttttt hey it worked! Yah, I have made some of her shirts "lost" but now she has a friend who is giving her the shirts sooooo they keep appearing. But i think you have a good point. Wish me luck!
    1
    09/02/14
    I do wish you luck.. It seriously felt like I was living in a prison (at least in my 15 year old mind). My mom literally pilfered my room while I was at school.. I lost everything but my dresser and my bed...
    1
      09/02/14
      Heh, a lot of what you describe is what my daughter was doing a few years ago. She outgrew it pretty fast, thank goodness. She even had a Blood on the Dance Floor t-shirt, lol.

      Here's the thing, she is still your daughter underneath all of the hormones, sass and black clothing. Instead of disliking it so much have you tried asking her about the bands she likes or about the clothing she likes? I was NOT a fan of the clothing either and my daughter's closet looked like Hot Topic threw up inside of it. BUT I wasn't about to let that get in the way of our relationship. So yes, I bought her Tripp pants and let her dye her hair blue. And now she's wearing dresses again, but she does still like the crazy hair colors, haha. There could be worse things though, ya know?
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      09/02/14
      Alyssa Martinez
      well i actually have let her do some crazy things. she has her hair cut like Miley Cyrus with a red color which looks ADORABLE! and i try to like as much of her clothing as I can..such as the vans and the "skater" look. I did it also. She does have a blood on the dance floor shirt too lol i have tried asking her about it and even tried the ignore it test but the back talk and the disrespect is what concerns me. Some of those songs i have tried to listen to. i let her turn them on in the car and OMG some of the words im like WHAT THE HECK! I just worry that there may be some subliminal messages in these bands. I am a pretty easy going parent but my gut is telling me to cut it off. I really hope my daughter gets out of the stage..she did buy a dress yesterday lol I thank you for your help and advice!
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      09/25/14
      Alyssa Martinez
      O my gesh! I am perfectly fine "mom" I don't see the problem. You think I'm depressed but that's bc of you! Hope you read this and understand I do this to make you mad bc you want me to be someone I will NEVER be!!
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        09/02/14
        Alyssa Martinez
        Here is my Makayla..she used to LOVe getting all the attention and her picture taken. Now its earplugs in and tune out the world lol
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        09/02/14
        Melissa Middleton
        She is acting like my nephew and he is almost 18...he has not grown out of the Emo moody stage yet though (some never do--i.e. my little sister and her on/off fiance, father of her children ). I went through this but it last about two months. I work dark clothes and listened to Good Charlotte until I realized one day that it was pointless. I did not have the moody attitude to match though because my mother did not tolerate that form of behavior.

        I do not see too much wrong with going through the emo stage, as long as there is no bad attitude or bad behavior resulting from it. Nearly 11 seems a little young but, of course, I have an 11 year old who acts like a fifteen year old. She seems boy crazy as well, which is new to me because boys were just my friends at that age.

        I agree with Theresa Gould, a ten to eleven year old should not be boy crazy. Do you think her friends are becoming a bad influence on her?
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          09/02/14
          8Theresa Gould
          I must be weird or my children are but I don't think 10.5 year olds should be boy crazy. Something else is driving that interest. You are the parent, I'd take her electronics. The thing is sometimes when they lose something, like their music, it just drives them more to it so you have to find her sweet spot and go with that. Sorry I am not more helpful.
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          09/02/14
          I'm with you, Theresa, we can be weird together.
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          09/02/14
          8Theresa Gould
          Glad we can be weird together! My teens are not even boy crazy yet. My oldest shows an interest, which is definitely normal but she's 17.
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          09/03/14
          Melissa Middleton
          I was that way as a teen. I had an interest in them but wasn't crazy about them because most of them were immature, rude, and/or trouble makers. I was a book worm and took my studies seriously.
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            09/02/14
            Alyssa Martinez
            She does not have electronics...all of the kids in her class are boy/girl crazy. The boys text my phone asking for her and when she has had friends over they talk about boys. I guess they are getting younger. But tonight was a change usually she sits in her room tonight she actuly sat with us as a family to watch a movie!
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              09/03/14
              Alyssa Martinez
              The problem is she really doesnt have friends so I cant consider anyone a bad influence. Where I live its very different. We moved from NJ to Sc to GA...soo in a way I do think she is trying to stand out. Everyone here wears the same clothes..camo, crocks and what we would call it "preppy clothing". My concern is the disrespect..but last night she actually came in the room and watched a movie with all of us..I was very stern with her in coming home and doing chores and homework before she did any fun things. Maybe I needed to just take full control instead of letting my husband do the disapline.

              thanks everyone for your opinions and advice!
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              About Alyssa Martinez
              Current: New Port Richey, Florida
              Birth: June 24
              On Moms.com since: Aug 11, 2014