The Holidays

.. Last year hubby and his brother weren't talking... so we didn't have holidays to deal with.. This year they are talking and I'm a little worried that family holidays will resume.
I hate getting together as a family because there's always fights...always have been.. Last year was the first round of stress free holidays I remember having in my life-because we stayed home. And while hubby agrees, I know he misses his brother-the only place they talk is Facebook (they live on the other side of town). But the wife and I... I can only handle criticism for so long before I either leave, or speak up. She's 15 years older than I am and treats me like I know nothing. I know her kids want to see our kids.. I know the guys want to see each other.. But even the guys can't get together without her interfering. Heck, her hubby can't talk to his own mom for 10 minutes without her getting in the middle. I'm just getting a little worried that it will be pushed for since they are talking to each other again and I just can't do it. His neices told me that I'm not their aunt... their reasoning.. I don't buy them things like hubby's ex wife did.
It used to be Thanksgiving at their house (the one time that happened, I tried to help and everything I did was redone including the forks being two centimeters off on the napkins-so I gave up). Christmas at MIL's... She wanted me to help, but I could only be in her little kitchen if SIL wasn't there looking over my shoulder. Then New Year's at ours.. Well, that happened once since I moved in.
See.. my view on holidays as a family is that it's time with family, not time for the kids o be put in front of a TV or ipad or whatever for 10 hours. I find it rude when they only show up for food. Yes, I agree they should have something available for when they get bored, but that doesn't have to be something loud so nobody can talk. New Year's, she expected me to have activities for her teenagers..I showed them my bookshelf (OH THE HORROR).. She got into cookies I had made for Dennis' work snacks and had the kids' decorate them, he wouldn't touch them after that meaning I had to go spend more money. I refused to do dishes while everybody was there (OH THE HORROR).. My thought was the family was only going to be there for so long, so what's the big deal? Let the dishes sit until tomorrow. I HID all of Andrew's toys.. Andrew was just a baby then, I left his stuffed animals downstairs and put the toys upstairs, then wouldn't let the kids go upstairs unless they needed a bathroom and somebody was in the downstairs. Her precious little boy (who breaks everything) didn't have a thing to play with-despite his backpack full of toys. And to put a topper on the cake, the teenage boys got drunk. Yeah... The liqour cabinet was left unlocked (because I figured that SIL would lock it back, silly me) the boys got into the whiskey and drank enough to have a major hangover the next day... So the next year, we said that fiasco wasn't going to happen again.
So yeah.. I'm just dreading that despite hubby knowing and agreeing we shouldn't get together... we will just so he can see his brother. Which I won't get in the way of, but I already told him I might leave with the kids before he's done so I don't go off on her if that happens.

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    10/13/14
    Ever Lopez
    Oh Wow Lot in your plate in the Holidays! Is sad but most families go through this type of drama.. but why do the they ONLY have to spend holidays with the family? I mean they got the rest of the year to get together for a few hrs.. We personally we started doing Holiday 3 yrs ago in my house but ONLY US my kids and husband! And everyone else had done there own thing at there home not because we argue or anything like that but we want to do whatever we please and just go to bed when we want to and is less arrangement we have to make.. I hope you and your husband get everything fix up and you don't have to go through ALL that this yr!
    1
    10/13/14
    Me too, Everllaliz. He doesn't go to my parent's house because they don't have a spare mattress and his back can't handle an air bed, we don't have money for a hotel. But I wish we could do something like that.
    0
    10/13/14
    The only reason i would go is because we only get so many full days with daddy, and I hate to take that away from the kids-also why we don't go on too many dates. That, and if i outright refused, he wouldn't go. I've told him to have his brother come over here when I'm gone.. because SIL won't allow him here when I'm here (a little unsecure and threatened I'm thinking...don't know why she's threatened.)
    0
    10/13/14
    Very strange is putting it VERY nicely. :) We got along for about 3 months... until I found out she saw me as a free babysitter and that was it.
    0
      10/13/14
      I would totally not spend the holidays with them...that sounds like not a lot of fun at all!
      1
      10/13/14
      it wasn't.
      0
        10/13/14
        8Theresa Gould
        I would avoid the drama at all costs. Doesn't sound fun at all and your husband should know and understand where you are coming from.
        0
        10/13/14
        I think he does.. but he'll do almost anything for his mom. :/
        0
        10/13/14
        8Theresa Gould
        I get that. My hubby would do anything for his mom too but I am pretty sure I would win out over her wishes....9 times out of 10 anyways.
        1
        10/13/14
        8Theresa Gould
        They wouldn't be good husbands if they didn't respect and treat their moms right, you know?
        1
        10/14/14
        That's right. How they treat women in their life and have been around their whole life is a good indication on how they will treat a wife. :)
        0
        10/14/14
        Yeah.. I'm pretty sure we're on the same page as far as the holidays go.
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        About Tabitha
        Current: Salem, South Dakota
        Birth: January 28
        On Moms.com since: Mar 29, 2014
        *Pregnancy Team Player here at moms.com* I'm a stay at home mom to five and housewife. We are old fashioned it pretty much everything we do and still learning. Naturally-minded. Owner of the blog Stay at home Wife and Mom.
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