MY Parents are Divorcing

I really want to talk and maybe hear stories of adults that have gone through the same thing. And to vent a bit, too, I suppose, lol.

My parents have been married for 26 years. In that time, both parents had affairs, and the past 3 years, I just kept hearing from my dad about how he was going to ask for a divorce.​ Well, I got a phone call while I was on vacation, from my brother, saying it was finally happening. My mother confirmed it at Thanksgiving. Mum has been looking for rents, they have the paperwork, and its going to be a pretty amicable separation, it seems. My parents have always been together, and so, with the new baby on the way, I have no idea how this will affect our (me and my siblings) lives. How do you adjust to something that big?

My father also has had a girlfriend, but none of us kids have met her yet... I feel like, no matter how far she and my dad go, no matter if I like her and we get along or not, she will never be my son's grandmother. Am I being to harsh? Or judging her too quickly based on the situation?

I'm sorry, the reality of it has just been quite stressful. Even with three years I couldn't prepare myself for it actually happening. It actually made it feel like more of a hoax.

02
    12/03/13
    I am sorry to hear about your parents divorce. Luckily, I have not had to deal with a situation like this...However, my husbands father has been married 4 times and his mother 3 times... We do call the steps (grandparents) as a sign of respect ...although I and my husband do not call the steps mom or dad ... only by their first name. Our children have no idea about the previous marriages and only know about their current situation so this is why we decided to call the steps grandparents rather than confuse the situation.

    It can be hard
    1
      12/03/13
      Tessa
      I'm sorry to hear about your parents. It's something I never had to go threw as my dad pasted away when I was young and my mom never remarried. It's a little hard not to judge her instantly but if she really loves your dad then that cant be a bad thing. Hopefully they'll be happy apart and still be able to coparent and cograndparent. My mother in law has remarried and been with her husband as long as I've know them and my kids call him grandpa because that's what he is. He's always been there, for births and birthdays and holidays. I think its something you'll have to judge yourself my mom was with her boyfriend for 7 years when I had my first daughter but I didn't consider him their grandpa cause he wasn't a very good person let a lone a good grandpa, and the relationship didn't last between him and my mom. I just don't want anyone in my kids lives for them get attached to that might not stick around.
      1
        12/03/13
        I'm sorry to hear about this. My parents divorced when I was 12 Years old and my little brother was 6. It was really hard on us. And I was angry and didn't understand for a very long time. As I got older it was easier to see that there had been problems for a very long time and there is no way they could have stayed together and been happy. Now as an adult I have gotten to know my parents as individuals and not as "parents" and realize they are much happier, and probably should have separated earlier than they did. It was hard to understand how someone could love someone so much to marry them and have children with them, and then just not love them anymore. But I realized that wasn't it. Even though their divorce was pretty messy they still recognize we were the most important things they had and that they needed to cooperate for our sake, and they did.

        You and your siblings will need to figure out how to share time between the two households, but you'll figure it out. Talk to your parents when you feel sad about it. But understand they only people who will truly understand why their marriage didn't work, and what it was like to be married to the other is them. Once I coped with the fact that I probably won't get all the answers I wanted, or the apologies I felt I deserved and let my anger go it was much easier. Your parents are still your parents, just apart. You still love them and they still love you. Good Luck I hope the adjusting to the new situation goes well.
        1
          12/03/13
          Oh Lauren.. I am so sorry to hear all this.. I don't know the right advice or tips to give really... I would say, try to be open and honest with BOTH parents throughout the process. Since you are fearful as to what your relationships might look like once the baby comes.. try expressing that early.. so when the time comes.. things could be better or more prepared for what you want it all to look like. Perhaps this is for the best and it can make both your Mom and Dad much happier people.. thus you all a happier family.. no matter the dynamic.
          1
            12/03/13
            8Theresa Gould
            Sorry to hear about your parents divorce. My parents separated briefly when I was in my early 20s and that was upsetting enough, but they did get back together.
            1
              12/08/13
              Well, Lauren I feel your pain. I have been there. My parents divorced when I was 3 years old and my teen years were a terrible season of life for me. I thought I was the cause of the problem and held unforgiveness towards both of them for more than 20 years but finally had to let it go and forgave them in order for me to experience joy and happiness but I did. Many tears shed but it was quite a release and its been 16 years now and I truly can say that it made a difference. I believe that everyone has to make their choices and live with those consequences. But what happened with them does not have to happen to you. I can say alot more but I see you have alot to read. So feel free to ask me if you want to hear more.
              1
              About Lauren
              Born: Harrington, Maine
              Birth: February 21
              On Moms.com since: Oct 30, 2013
              1st time mom to a baby boy and happily newlywed to my wonderful man. I enjoy gaming, hunting, and my current hobby, snuggling with my boys!